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17 out of 20 people found the following review useful: "Goin' my way?" "Perhaps, where to?" "To the moon, for BLUE DEMON!" "Nah, I saw that - - that sucked.", 21 September 2005 Author: joeytonz from Sam's Town
Ah, Blue Demon. The direct-to-video shark movie that dares not have "shark" in the title. Nor quality in general. I love movies where people, while ensnared in rubber jaws, beat at the snout of giant plastic shark mouths while screaming for their life, with absolutely no blood squirting from their bodies just off the coast of AnyBeachTown, USA. I just enjoy them. However, this one sinned against me, and people of my type. They tried to "beat" all critics to the punch by making fun of the film themselves with a technique known as "tongue-in-cheek." Listen--don't make my shark movies tongue-in-cheek. Sharks don't have tongues, nor should your movies about them. So, sorry to disappoint you, but despite your best intentions, I am still going to make fun of your film. Matthew McConaughey stunt butt man plays Dr. Collins, and Michelle Pfeiffer's little sister, Michelle Pfeiffer Jr., also plays Dr. Collins (for theirs is a union of matrimony and giant stink-fish). Also, Jeff Fahey plays the hammiest evil general this side of any movie that features an evil hammy general that directly parallels its badness to this badness. Just picture George C. Scott in Patton, then take away everything good about George C. Scott. And Patton. Then, you'll have it. Lastly, we have six genetically engineered Great White Sharks, the leader of this pack being named Red Dog, for reasons that remain unknown (and unfunny). The plot? WELL, Dr. Collins and Dr. Collins are marine biologists (of course) and have been experimenting with Great White Sharks, attempting to manipulate them in order to use them as a defense mechanism (honestly, haven't we all considered trying this at one point?). Then, because these sharks are smarter than average sharks, they escape from their pen of chicken wire and good intentions. Darn, why can't these scientists ever learn to make these pens more secure?! Because there'd be no movie if the cartoon fish didn't escape, stupid. The escaped sharks terrorize many, and eat barely anyone. As Youngest Lambert Daughter from Step-By-Step (who has blossomed into her own successful career, in the sarcastic way) looks on after delivering her two lines, she watches as two maintenance divers in the water "fall victim" to the sharks. And by fall victim, I mean that one diver is kinda eaten, while the other diver simply disappears. Soon after, we see an annoying dork child fishing on a dock with her father, and she catches the BIGGEST fish in her life... ...Bet you thought I was gonna say shark! Well, no, she caught a BASS! Haha! I LOVE jokes that people who produce direct-to-video movies make, because they're really good at things like intelligent comedy, or anything at all, ever. Anyway, the father takes uses this opportunity to take his eyes away from the water and take out his camera, because his stupid daughter is so stupid that this stupid lame fish she caught will most likely be the most proud moment of her stupid life. While fidgeting with his camera, the big shark bursts out of the water, smashes its underbelly against the dock, and then slides retardedly back under the waves. The random shark pop-up attack invokes a true feeling not of shock, but of disappointment and frustration, because after witnessing how annoying this girl can be, you so desperately want her to be pulled underneath the water and eviscerated into 80 bajillion pieces, and then hopefully beaten with a large hammer that the shark could have on its person. After surviving the shark plop, the daughter randomly tells her father very flatly that she loves him. It's good for a laugh.The sharks then move on to couple who end up "skinny dipping" (in bathing suits) in the water and as they share a kiss, exchange the following bewildering dialogue: DUDE: That was my first kiss! GIRL: I'm going to the moon! That was MY first kiss, too! Huh? Who's going to the moon? What's stranger than that weird weird expression is that this couple appears to be in their mid-to-late twenties. I sure hope they can have some sex before they die of being 87.Uh oh, looks like our main characters have been blamed for letting loose the sharks and are dubbed terrorists. They escape the lab and Matthew McConaughey stunt butt man makes a phone call to somewhere via payphone and says "I need to speak to whoever is in charge...of sharks." He is immediately hung up on. And drat, he can't make a call because he has no more change. He gets back in the car to see his wife with a tracking device she made to find the sharks...with her cell phone...a cell phone that he does not use to finish his call. Was this one of those "tongue-in-cheek" jokes? Or was this an illogical error? Who will know? Surely not I, for I hate almost everything. We find out General Crazy is evil. Then we cut to Red Dog, stupid shark leader, swimming slowly with a giant bomb in his mouth, heading towards the San Francsico bridge. I forget why. I'd make up a reason, but it would be better than what the real reason was, and might make this film more plausible, which I don't want to happen. But don't worry, the shark comes back and blows itself and Jeff Fahey up. Then, you sigh.WRAP UP:Number of Sharks: 6 People Eaten: 2 (3, if you count the possibility of General Ham's exploded body.)Seriously. Two people in a killer shark movie. That just blows.So, all in all, if you long to see many scenes of people frantically typing on computers while looking bewildered and hordes of CGI sharks swimming quickly at the camera with the last shark's mouth "eating" the screen, you could do a lot worse.
6 out of 7 people found the following review useful: Fails On All Levels, 15 June 2007 Author: Fiendish_Dramaturgy from .: Fiendish Writings in the Dark :.
Once a horror (or creature feature) fan has seen Jaws, they have seen the ultimate creature feature with a shark as the antagonist. Orca was awesome in places (and is not a shark, obviously), but Jaws is the epitome of a masterpiece creature feature. It stands comfortably alongside The Creature From The Black Lagoon, and represents some phenomenal film making skills.This work, on the other hand, attempts to bring the "mad scientist" ploy into a cheap, slip-shod version of Jaws, attempting to class with the Invisible Man, Frankenstein, or even Bats. Sadly, it does not measure up, even to Bats.There are multiple problems with this work. The main problem I found (and there ARE many) is the simple lack of kills, on screen or off. However, a close second is the painfully wretched writing, and an even closer third is the utter lack of acting talent featured within this flick. Fahey is the best here...what does THAT tell you? Further, dialog delivery is so plastic it goes to cement somewhere after the first 20 minutes. And speaking of plastic, once you get a load of these characters, you'll completely understand the tone of this review. These characters are less than one-dimensional! Nothing about them is believable. Every single aspect of this work breaks the suspension of belief trust any good movie must engender.More importantly, I feel, is that the believability is utterly destroyed once the premise is introduced. Sharks are not capable of being "trained and taught" as featured in this work. That's why the government used dolphins in their earlier debauchery in the first two World Wars, so the whole thing falls apart and leaves the viewer hanging there in the conundrum of a wholly unbelievable story, terrible acting, and poorly done sharks.SO poorly done were the sharks, in fact, that even the FINS, which is basically all you see except for 3 or 4 times total, look like shiny plastic triangles. They didn't even bother to paint these things to make them look as if they had any texture whatsoever! All in all? This was pretty sad and a huge disappointment, as I love creature features! Even straight-to-video films can be entertaining, but this didn't offer a single moment of entertainment. Every single aspect of this work breaks the suspension of belief trust any good movie must engender. This film fails on all levels and really isn't worth your time.It rates a 0.4/10 from...the Fiend :.
14 out of 23 people found the following review useful: Characters not eaten early enough., 14 August 2005 Author: Hewer from Osaka, Japan
This is certainly among the worst movies of the still young 21st century. Good luck making it all the way through this one, in fact I seriously think the only other people who will do so are the cast and crew, their friends and neighbors. Cardboard acting, lame plot, soundtrack straight from a 1970s XXX flick and special effects on par with a high school stage production. The writing is just awful and leaves the viewer feeling insulted by canned plot prefacing and background information.This film bills itself as a sci-fi/action/thriller, but I actually thought it was a comedy - everything about the film is so bad I thought it was a spoof.
4 out of 4 people found the following review useful: When the the U.S. Air Force engineers killer sharks to defend America from terrorists..., 24 June 2006 Author: amishlightening from United States
...you know you must be watching a United Film Orginization production. Rarely does a film contain so many inappropriate elements. The score is far too jazzy, character's expressions are frequently out of place, and the spit-and-polish general is not nearly spit-and-polish enough(his name tag is lop-sided, his ribbons out of order). It is never fully explained why the air force has jurisdiction over killer sharks, although it is quite likely that the studio had surplus uniforms and decided to go with what they had to save money. In addition, there are precious few actual shark attacks. Is the movie bad? Yes, but it was at least somewhat entertaining.
5 out of 6 people found the following review useful: NOT good, 28 September 2007 Author: nohwan from las vegas
OK, i'm still watching this joke as i type, but GOOD LORD, it's bad, as in 'don't watch it' bad. some lightweight extreme reasons lead to me needing/wanting to watch this. i would have left this film alone and not bothered with a comment, until one scene that made me NEED(?)to review. i won't bother explaining the scene, if you've got this far you'll understand. perhaps if you're damned enough to be in the same position you'll understand, i only hope you'll never be! this has been a movie i've kept an eye on as a 'maybe' for a few weeks and now, it seems, is the time. i've been put here on my own since nobody will take on the task with me. understand this, it's free and i still had to ENDURE it on my own. i say again, i'm STILL watching the (lack of) beast! not even for free. OK? not even for free! unless you're weird and drinking at 5am!NOT EVEN FOR FREE!
3 out of 3 people found the following review useful: The best genetically altered, anti-terrorist, midget staring, radio controlled killer shark film ever. Period., 27 June 2006 Author: Paul Andrews (poolandrews@hotmail.com) from UK
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Blue Demon tells the tale of six genetically altered super aggressive sharks, genetically altered by the husband & wife scientific duo of Nathan (Randall Batinkoff) & Martha Collins (Dedee Pfeiffer) together with their assistant Avery (Josh Hammond), the purpose of these sharks are seen as a weapon to defend the U.S. Nathan & Martha's boss Van Allen (Danny Woodburn) intends to sell this fantastic shark to the military & sets a meeting up with General Remora (Jeff Fahey). Unfortunately when the big moment arrives & the sharks need to do their thing it appears that they have escaped their underwater enclosure, scary eh? Nathan & Martha desperately do all they can to try & locate the killer sharks before they reach public water & start eating their way through the local Californian population, while Nathan & Martha realise what a danger their creations pose to the public there are other's who don't share their caring attitude & want to cover the problem up & get the sharks back...Co-written, produced & directed by Daniel Grodnik Blue Demon is an awful film make no mistake about it. The script by Grodnik, Lisa Morton, Ron Oliver & Brett Thompson is meant to be a horror, sci-fi, action mix but fails miserably in it's attempts & comes across far more like a comedy as there is plenty to laugh at. Anybody with half a brain will spot the flaws in logic & sense while anyone familiar with the horror genre will spot all the clichés & stolen ideas from Jaws (1975) to Deeep Blue Sea (1999) both of which are far superior to this piece of crap. From the fact that these genetic experiments on sharks seem to be completely useless to the ridiculous notion that a shark can carry a nuclear device in it's mouth, this is really bad & poorly thought out. The ending sucks as a nuclear explosion would wipe half the coast away & the you can see the so-called twist coming a mile off. Blue Demon also features one of the most unintentionally hilarious scenes ever, at the end Martha uses a round life saver to capture the bad guy. She throws it & it lands over him & for some bizarre reason he drops his gun & is completely defeated, you have to see the scene in question to know just how funny it is. There is also a funny bit on a beach after one of these sharks has attacked, just look at everyone's reactions & facial expressions, absolutely hilarious.Director Grodnik doesn't do anything to help matters & Blue Demon is dull to watch. There's no excitement, tension, atmosphere or scares. There is no reason to watch this film at all, it's as simple & straight forward as that. The special effects are absolutely awful, the CGI sharks are hilarious in themselves but it doesn't stop there. No, once in a while we get to see the sharks fin above water which is obviously a rubber prop which moves along at about 1 mile an hour, my Gran could probably swim faster than these guys! Very, very funny to watch. Forget about any gore either, there's a severed arm & that's it. Nowhere near enough people get eaten or attacked.Apparently shot in about two & a half weeks I'm surprised it took them that long, Blue Demon is a poorly made, poorly thought out film that has nothing going for it. The music has that familiar Jaws sound to it. Then there's the cast, why cast a midget? Having said that the female cast members are very easy on the eye, which helps things. Fahey obviously needed money badly.Blue Demon is a really bad film that does a passable job as a comedy but comes nowhere near as a horror or action film. This is definitely one to avoid, watch Jaws again instead. I'll give it a couple of stars because there's a few good looking babes in it & it's funny on occasion but that's by no means any kind of recommendation.
6 out of 9 people found the following review useful: Not Quite the Worst but a Turkey, Yes., 5 June 2006 Author: czarnobog from United States
Whoo. This was an overly ambitious project considering its obviously LOW budget. Five super-sharks poised to deliver Jaws-like terror. The opening credits were wonderful. Wetting the appetite for a slick movie. To be fair, the production values are decent throughout, except for the cheesy shark fins. Computer animation is above par for such a low budget flick. Unfortunately Dan Grodnick doesn't have a clue about creating suspense or delivering scares. Although his actors for the most part tried to deliver credible performances, his characters have all the depth of those found in bad 80s porn movies. A few are so far over-the-top that they deflate any pretense of this being an actual horror movie. Played for humor, their scenes are tedious to an extreme. A blundering pop-jazz soundtrack adds to the annoyance factor. The action sequences are pathetic, no doubt due to the ambitious task of compositing the animated shark action with live actors on a shoestring budget, or choreographing the plastic shark fins. For adolescent fans interested in the T'N'A factor, it is non-existent here. There are some talented babes in very minor roles. Hopefully they'll turn up in better movies with more substantial roles.
10 out of 17 people found the following review useful: Is it supposed to be funny?, 1 November 2005 Author: bobscheese from United States
A friend of mine rented this movie for her birthday party because she thought it would be scary. Well, while the scare factor was severely lacking, we were not disappointed. This movie is one of the funniest I've seen in a while! The movie is about sharks that are programmed to protect, a corrupt government and terrorism. It's a political statement, basically. The CG stuff is pathetic, but amusing. The acting... well, we won't go there. (although Josh Hammond's character was good.) And the plot, is sketchy at best.I recommend this movie, actually. Grab a bunch of friends that you can laugh with and pop this in. You'll have something to laugh about for ages!
2 out of 3 people found the following review useful: Funny in places, but really the plot is weak, 17 March 2007 Author: lordzedd-3 from United States
I got to admit, the plot is weak in places. The CG is good, but far from perfect. The sharks look great, but there is this one scene of the camera raises up from under the water to reveal the Golden Gate Bridge, and the water looks like something out of a video game. The cast does a great job with what they were given to work with. But there is serious character issues and plot issues. There are some plot holes large enough for a great white to swim through. But I got to admit some of the dialog is funny and the chemistry between the two Doctor Collins work. But for the most part I think the movie makers could have done better, for one thing, they didn't act any smarter then any other shark in any other movie. So where is the smart part? Still, not a total waste, you can do worse then BLUE DEMON, but on the other hand, you can do better. 4 STARS.
2 out of 3 people found the following review useful: Correction to the previous statement of 2 deaths..., 17 January 2007 Author: Tom Zuehlsdorff (tommyz-radiodj) from Rock Springs, Wyoming
While I agree with most of what has been said about this movie, the statement of 2 deaths is false. I saw three before i had to turn it off. Yes there was the two construction men, but what about the sorority bitch at the beginning? Did the commenter forget about her? that would make 3 before the explosion one. Cricket Selna was about the only good thing about this movie from what i saw. and yes i am biased cause she is a friend from college and now i am 4 step from Kevin Bacon but that is besides the point.This movie is good to MST3K, have a laugh, if you can handle it. That is about all i have to say about that. So yeah, if you have any problems with this comment, deal. It is difficult to make this movie recommendable to anyone, but i am trying to be good and not totally trash it.
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