Toad:
Prepare to meet you maker. Your... ”ice maker".
Whitey:
Hah hah, makes me laugh every time, that one.
[
Spike and Whitey are falling]
Spike:
Keep your legs straight when you hit the water!
[
Whitey lands safely in the water, while Spike hits a cement stone]
Whitey:
I kept me legs straight, Spike.
[
a power cord lands on Spike]
Sid:
[
Flushing Roddy down the drain] You think I don't know a toilet when I see one?
Sid:
You were going to flush me down the loo!
Roddy:
No, no, no! It's a big jacuzzi, the deluxe model!
Sid:
Well then, you won't mind if I get the bubbles going, will ya?
Roddy:
No, not the lever! Have mercy! No! No! I can't swim!
Sid:
Bon voyage, me old cream cracker. Hold your nose.
Roddy:
No, no, no! You can't do this!
Sid:
You were going to try and flush me? Let's see how you like it!
Goldfish:
[
Roddy picks up fish] Have you seen my dad?
Tadpole:
Is it the Glorious Amphibian Dawn, dad?
Toad:
Anything for you, my little man.
Tadpole:
Can I have a pony?
Toad:
No.
Tadpole:
A puppy?
Toad:
We'll talk about it.
Tadpole:
Can we talk about it now?
Toad:
No!
[
All the tadpoles start asking for puppies]
Toad:
No, you can't all have puppies! Please, daddy's working!
Sid:
Careful, mate. Those aren't chocolate buttons.
Roddy:
Whatever's going on, I assure you, I'm not involved. I'm just an innocent bystander.
Spike:
Rita, Rita, Rita.
[
laughs]
Spike:
Thought you could give us the slip?
[
Slips and falls]
Spike:
What are you looking at? Keep still! Come on, then! Right! Who have we got here?
Whitey:
I believe he said his name was Millicent Bystander.
Roddy:
Will you please tell these people I'm not involved in this?
Rita:
Fine. All right, all right, listen up. This gentleman, he's not from around here.
Roddy:
Thank you.
Rita:
Just look how nicely he's dressed.
Roddy:
Ah, thank you.
Rita:
And why? Because he's an international jewel thief!
Roddy:
Precisely... What? No, no!
Liam:
Oy, mom! There's a peeping Tom outside.
Rita's Grandma:
Tom? Oh, it's Tom Jones!
Liam:
He's gonna steal your boat.
Rita:
He won't steal my boat.
Liam:
He's stealing your boat.
Rita:
He isn't stealing...
Liam:
He stole your boat.
Rita:
What?
Liam:
He's like Robin Hood in reverse.
Rita:
This is quite tasty.
Roddy:
Thanks. I don't think it's too bad, considering I only had an apple, four raisins and a box of rice.
Rita:
Rice?
Slug:
[
singing] What's that urge from deep inside? / The need to hurl won't be denied / That isn't rice, that's maggots you're eating.
Maggots:
Larva, larva, larva...
Roddy:
Well. That explains why it all ran to one side when I put salt in it.
Tex:
Where's your helmets? Which one's the quarterback? Pick up the ball! Pick up the ball! Aw, these Brits don't know the first thing about football.
Whitey:
Oh, I love a happy ending.
Spike:
Oh, you've gone soft. I like unhappy endings, with lots of violence.
[
the champagne bottle used to christen the Jammy Dodger II swings over and hits Spike; the cork pops and the bottle goes flying, taking Spike with it; offscreen crash]
Whitey:
Are you - are you happy now, Spike?
Toad:
You wretched vermin! I'll make you pay for this!
Le Frog:
Ah, give it a rest, cousin... and get your kids a puppy.
Le Frog:
You stupid English, with your Yorkshire puddings and your chips and fish!
Roddy:
[
hanging on to Rita's belt as it starts to break] No, no don't break! There are things I want to do, sights I want to see.
[
belt breaks; Rita's pants drop]
Roddy:
That wasn't on the list.
Roddy:
And who might you be, little chap?
Shocky:
They call me Shocky.
Roddy:
Why do they call you that?
Shocky:
[
Shocks Roddy with a battery] Shocky!
Roddy:
Ohh! Yes, got it.
[
as Roddy is sent flying through a clothesline]
Passerby:
Is it a bird?
Passerby #2:
Is it a plane?
Passerby #3:
Is that guy wearing my underpants?
Action Figure:
Give up your weapons of mass destruction! Come and get me, enemy of freedom!
Toad:
Huzzah, a man of quality!
Rita:
Tell me about yourself, Roddy.
Roddy:
Well, there's not much to tell.
Rita:
You know everything about me, warts and all. I don't even know what you do.
Roddy:
I'm... I'm in a boy band.
Rita:
What?
Roddy:
Yeah. Yeah, I'm the posh one.
[
Roddy is using a cell phone as a shield as Rita throws crayons at him; the crayons dial a number]
Take Out:
Ha Chin Chinese takeout.
Roddy:
Yes, I'm being attacked by a madwoman! She's got crayons!
Take Out:
One chicken chow mein. With wonton?
Roddy:
No, crayons!
Take Out:
No wonton! You want rice? Fried or white?
Roddy:
Fried. No, wait!
Take Out:
You want wonton or what?
Roddy:
Cancel that order.
Spike:
Blimy, it's cold.
Whitey:
That's why I wore me mittens.
Spike:
Wha... Hitmen don't wear mittens! Take them off! You're embarrasing me!
Whitey:
It's all right for you. You've got little hands. They don't freeze as much.
Rita:
What are you, some kind of rat boomerang? Give me back my ruby!
Roddy:
I haven't got your ruby!
[
the ruby falls on his hand]
Roddy:
Okay. Well, now I've got your ruby.
Shocky:
They call me shocky.
Roddy:
Now why do they call you that?
[
Talking about Spike's hands]
Spike:
They're small but these are lethal weapons, these are.
Whitey:
You got your mother's hands.
Spike:
All right, all right! It's time to bring out... the Persuader!
[
takes out a nutcracker]
Spike:
Your choice, mate. You can talk now, or you can talk later. Ain't that right, Persuader?
Spike:
[
through the nutcracker, in a much higher voice] Yes, in a much higher voice.
Slug:
High five!
[
He realizes he has no hands]
Slug:
Oh, yeah.
[
Le Frog Has brought a cable necessary for the Toad's plan]
Toad:
At last, it's mine!
[
the Toad laughs for half a minute and is annoying Le Frog]
Le Frog:
Just take it!
Toad:
You find my pain amusing?
Le Frog:
I find everyone's pain amusing, except my own... I'm French!
Rita:
It's impossible!
Roddy:
/ENGLAND/ is winning! ANYTHING'S possible!
Spike:
Any last requests?
Roddy:
Yes. Could you fly, quite suddenly, off the boat, screaming like a girl?
Spike:
What?
[
Is jerked off the boat by a cord]
Spike:
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Le Frog:
We leave immediately!
[
strides off screen]
Henchfrog #1:
What about supper?
Le Frog:
[
strides back on screen] We leave in five hours!
Le Frog:
To action!
Henchfrogs:
We surrender!
Le Frog:
Not that action, you idiots! The kung-fu thing!
Le Frog:
We leave immediately!
Henchfrog:
What about dinner?
Le Frog:
We leave... in five hours.
Spike:
Bingo!
Whitey:
Scrabble! Heh.
Fly:
He's a mad man! Run away, run...
[
the Toad swallows the fly]
Toad:
Pardon me, my fly's undone.
Spike:
Ohhh, Whitey!
Whitey:
I saw an opportunity, and I took it.
Toad:
You find my pain funny?
Le Frog:
I find everyone's pain funny but my own. I'm French.
Roddy:
Roddy St. James saves the day.
Toad:
You are late.
Le Frog:
Fashionably late my warty English cousin. I know no other way.
Whitey:
So you're from up top, eh? I used to work in a laboratory up top. Yeah, big shampoo job. I was dark grey when we started. Still, it cleared up me dandruff.
Whitey:
Are you sure about this, Spike? These things are dangerous.
Spike:
Danger is my middle name!
Whitey:
I thougth it was Lesley.
Roddy:
When the cat's away, the mice will play!
Whitey:
It's just that curry you had last night, Spike. I'm the same, I've got a bum like the Japanese flag.
Rita's Grandma:
I'm coming, Tom!
[
last lines]
Tabitha:
Roddy! I brought you a new friend!
[
she holds up a cat]
Sid:
Aah!
Le Frog:
This bizarre obsession with rats; it is not good for you. You are becoming what we French call "le fruitcake!"
[
repeated line]
Toad:
Good bye, vermin.
Roddy:
Maybe I can make it up to you?
Rita:
Get stuffed.
Toad:
Where are those idiots!
[
talking to his tadpoles]
Toad:
It's so hard to get good help these days, my boys.
[
speaks baby talk]
Toad:
Yes, that's right. Oh, come on out, my lovelies. Cheer your old Dad up. Poor Daddy, surrounded by filthy rats in this joy-less, sun-less void! But don't worry, Daddy will get rid of them all. They'll all be deady-weddy.
[
Kisses tadpole tank. Whitey and Spike enter]
Toad:
Did you find it?
[
still in baby voice]
Spike:
Huh?
Toad:
[
angered] Uh! Did you find it?
Ladykiller:
[
to Roddy] End of the line, Millicent!
Slug:
[
singing] Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely, I have nobody for my own!
[
Roddy closes the window on the Slugs]
Rita:
We Malones never go back on our word.
Rita:
Real!
Roddy:
Fake.
Rita:
Real!
Roddy:
Fake.
Rita:
[
sighs] Real.
Roddy:
Fake.
Rita:
REAL!
Thimblenose Ted:
Hey guys, I just had a tipoff. They're heading west, to Kensington.
Spike:
Bingo!
Whitey:
Scrabble!
Spike:
Enough games! To the Ratmobiles!
[
first lines]
Mother:
Car's here.
Father:
It's nine o' clock already, we're going to miss our flight.
Le Frog:
[
after Rita hit him] You will pay for this, my little chocolate croissant.
Le Frog:
He's cuckoo, but family!
Whitey:
[
after spotting the ruby in Rita'a back pocket] The booty's in the booty!
Rita's Dad:
Wave. Wave!
Crowd:
[
shouting] England!
Rita's Dad:
No! Giant wave!
[
everybody turns around and screams]
Roddy:
[
singing] Ice cold Rita / Never did I meet a / Girl who's half so cruel / I offered her a jewel / But she left me stuck / Stranded on a duck / What a shoddy thing to do to Roddy... Me! / That's Roddy St. James of Kensington.
Slug:
Poor, poor Roddy / Flushed down his own potty / Rita, can't you find it in your heart... to help him?
Roddy:
How mean can one rat be? / Ice cold Rita / Won't you be sweeter to me?
Roddy:
[
Roddy and Rita are running from the thugs] Rita could we please go a little faster.
Rita:
We don't have too.
Rita:
[
hits a button] Go go purple custard.
Toad:
[
to Le Frog] Perhaps you forget that it was a rat who cast me from paradise.
Le Frog:
[
Rolling his eyes] Oh please not the scrapbook again.
Toad:
[
pulls a book off a shelf] My memoirs , volume one details the dire and tragic story of my youth.
Le Frog:
Oh mon dieu.
Toad:
Of all the pets in Buckingham palace , young prince charles fancied me the best , we would frolic day after sunny day in royal abandon sharing that sweet and magical bond between boy and toad.
Le Frog:
Your going to make me throw up.
Toad:
We were inseparable until... it arrived THAT RAT , while the poor boys head was turned , I was cruelly plunged into a whirlpool of despair.
Le Frog:
I know I know you were flushed away down the loo right? boo hoo hoo, it is so dark, so cold, so terrible
[
chuckles]
Le Frog:
.
Toad:
You find my pain funny?
Le Frog:
I find everyones pain funny but my own, I'm French.
Toad:
[
stands up and knocks over a table] Just get that cable.
Rita's Dad:
We don't need the money!
Cockroach:
A new stove would be nice...
Roddy:
[
Showing Sid the toilet] After a hard day navigating the sewer pipes, there's nothing better than relaxing in a Jacuzzi whirlpool bath.
Pegleg:
So you're from up top, huh?
Roddy:
Yes.
Pegleg:
I know someone who might be able to help you, might. The captain of the Jammy Dodger.
Goldfish:
I know where it is!
Related Links
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