Dracula 3000 (2004) (TV)

User Rating:

1.9/10   

Director:

Darrell Roodt

Writers:

Ivan Milborrow (writer)
Darrell Roodt (writer)

Release Date:

9 August 2004 (USA)

Genre:

Horror | Sci-Fi

Tagline:

In space, the sun never rises.

Plot:

Count Dracula terrorizes the crew of a spaceship.

Plot Keywords:

Dracula | Coffin | Vampire | 3000s | Spaceship

Cast

Casper Van Dien	...	Capt. Abraham Van Helsing
Erika Eleniak	...	Aurora Ash
Coolio	...	187
Alexandra Kamp-Groeneveld	...	Mina Murry (as Alexandra Kamp)
Grant Swanby	...	Arthur "The Professor" Holmwood
Langley Kirkwood	...	Orlock
Tommy 'Tiny' Lister	...	Humvee (as Tiny Lister)
Udo Kier	...	Capt. Varna

Also Known As:

Dracula 3000: Infinite Darkness (South Africa: English title) (working title)

MPAA:

Rated R for violence, language including sexual references, and some drug use.

Runtime:

USA:86 min

Country:

Germany | South Africa

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.85 : 1

Certification:

Finland:K-15 | UK:15 | Germany:12 | Spain:18 | Netherlands:12 | Singapore:NC-16 | Australia:MA | New Zealand:R13 | USA:R

Company:

Film Afrika Worldwide

Goofs:

Continuity: When Orlock gets his left hand caught in the door chasing Humvee and Aurora, Humvee manages to close the door by force, severing Orlock's hand. In the next shot, the hand falling to the floor is his right hand.

Quotes:

187: I want to watch my anaconda spit all over your snow white ass.

Movie Connections:

References "The Bionic Woman" (1976)

Good, sweet Jesus, have mercy.

Considering that they wanted to do a vampire movie in space, I thought, "Well, it'll probably be pretty cheesy, but at least interesting enough to see a different take on the whole genre." Whoops. I don't care what kind of movies you like; even if you're the biggest vampire, horror, thriller, or suspense fan in the world, or adversely, if you've never seen a horror movie before and would expect that your first would be impressive in any way whatsoever...you're wrong. I don't think I've ever seen a "made for TV movie" or after-school special this bad. I've never seen a TV pilot show this bad. I've never seen footage of animals sleeping or shitting that's as bad as this. This is, by far, the single biggest waste of hours you could otherwise spend contemplating the importance of dish towels and their effect on your life. I would far rather be trapped in a bathroom for weeks with nothing to consume but my own urine and excrement than watch even a single clip of this movie again. Watching this made me wish for the fates that the characters fell to instead of dealing with knowing that I paid money to watch it. It was, however, like a train wreck: so bad you just couldn't help but watch, hoping something good might happen. It didn't. Please, for the love of God, if you or your friends - even if using illicit substances while doing so - even consider watching this movie, choose instead to have a contest to see who can shoot a snot-rocket farther. It will bring you far greater enjoyment and entertainment.