Narrator:
Speaking for gearheads and garage mechanics everywhere, Jesse answers that one-word question: why?
Jesse James:
[
innocently] 'Cause it's wrong.
[
the crew tries to see if their Lincoln stretch limo has enough ground clearance]
Wink Eller:
Cool. She's holding it. She is holding it.
Announcer:
Six inches is plenty of ground clearance.
Wink Eller:
She's gonna ride like a Cadillac.
Steve Dennish:
Lincoln would like to hear that.
[
the crew receives a propane burner while turning a Geo Tracker into a hot air balloon]
Chopper Dave:
It looks like it could destroy something.
Narrator:
The first thing they destroy?
[
the burner's $5160 price tag is displayed]
Narrator:
The budget.
[
repeated line]
The Big Schwag:
[
shouts] You gotta be kidding me!
[
opening narration]
Narrator:
Join Jesse and his crew of maverick mechanics as they rip, grind, and burn, turning ordinary street vehicles into monster machines in the Monster Garage.
[
Jesse drags over a beer keg]
Jesse James:
Two years of college and this is all I learned.
Narrator:
Our team tears the RV, putting the "wreck" in "recreational". This thing really is fun.
[
the "Grim Ripper" is loaded into a car shredder]
The Big Schwag:
Wait a minute! It just occurred to me! This isn't a funeral! This is an execution!
[
closing narration]
Big Schwag:
Jesse's got metal to burn and sparks to fly! The next Monster Garage challenge... is just... around... the bend!
Jesse James:
I dont praise the lord, as much as I praise the lowered.
[
Jesse cuts the exhaust off of a car and it hits him in the face.]
Jesse James:
Now, I know why I'm not a car mechanic anymore. Oh, wait, I guess I *am* a car mechanic.
Jesse James:
Looks like we're building something a little kid would draw.
Jesse James:
[
crossing himself] Is that the old "My head, chest, and both arms hurt"?
Jesse James:
[
checking off an imaginary list after crashing the Hell Camino in a figure 8 race] Things to do today: ram Billy!
"Barefoot" Billy Ziemann:
[
doing the same] Things to do today: train rookie!
Jesse James:
[
someone has just finished explaining the rules of a steamboat race] What do we get if we win?
[
the crowd laughs]
Body Drop:
[
speaking into a megaphone] Frrrreeeebieeee! Zip! Zero! Nadda!
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