Memorable quotes for
50 First Dates (2004) More at IMDbPro »

Marlin: Doug, once again, off the juice.
Doug: It'th not juithe. It'th a protein thake.

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Lucy: What are you doing?
Henry: Nothing, I was just getting some lint off for you...
Lucy: You were going for a feelski!
Henry: All right, I'm sorry... But this is like the 23rd time we've made out already and... they're getting blue!

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[repeated line]
Ten Second Tom: Hi, I'm Tom!

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Ten Second Tom: Aren't you a little old to still be having wet dreams?
[memory erases]
Ten Second Tom: Hi, I'm Tom!

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[at the Callahan Institute]
Security Guard 1: Hey Lucy, good to see you again!
[Lucy walks by quietly]
Security Guard 1: What the hell's her problem?
Security Guard 2: She doesn't remember who you are, brah.
Security Guard 1: Oh yeah, I suck at this job!

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Lucy: [to Henry] I hardly know you.
Marlin: Actually sweetie, you're kind of dating him.
[Lucy looks at Henry]
Henry: Sorry I'm not better looking.

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Lucy: Did Alicia marry that guy?
Marlin: yea.
Henry: Doug, did you win the Mr. Hawaiian contest?
Doug: I didn't know there wath gonna be a urine tethst.
Lucy: [to Henry] Did we have sex?
[Marlin and Doug look at Henry]
Henry: No, we didn't. Just so everyone knows
[Marlin and Doug turn away]
Henry: We want to!
[Marlin and Doug look again]
Henry: Just kidding.

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Ula: Damn you Haole! You make my sister work in your hotels!

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Ula: Sharks are like dogs, they only bite if you touch their private parts.

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[to his children]
Ula: You kids suck; you're good at everything!

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Henry: Happy birthday, sir. What are you, like, 200 today?

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[to Jocko]
Henry: Remember to use a condom, or in your case, a Hefty bag.

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Doug: [gives Henry a box] Thith ith from Nick and Thue. They thend their betht witheth for a thafe trip.
Henry: That's very nice. Spam and Reese's. All right.
Doug: I love Thpam and Reethe's, can I have it?
Henry: Um, I guess.
[Doug grabs the box]
Marlin: Doug!

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[Henry is pretending to cry to get Lucy's attention]
Lucy: I wonder what's the matter with him.
Old Hawaiian Man: Looks like a stupid asshole to me.

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[while playing golf, Ula has ripped the stitches over a shark bite on his waist]
Ula: You think you can stitch me up tonight after I get back from surfing?
Henry: Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
Caddy: I wouldn't surf with a bleeding wound like that. You might attract a shark or something.
Ula: What's wrong with that, cuz? Sharks are naturally peaceful.
Caddy: Is that right? How'd you get that nasty cut anyway?
Ula: A shark bit me.
Caddy: Nice! Go smoke another one, bro!

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Old Hawaiian Man: Are you staring at me or her? 'Cause you're starting to freak me out.

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Old Hawaiian Man: [about Henry's drawing on a napkin] Can I have that? I need something to wipe my ass with.

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Old Hawaiian Man: That was pathetic.
Henry: Yeah? Why don't you choke on your spam!

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Lucy: Can I have one last first kiss?

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Alexa: I guess I prefer sausage to taco.

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Ula's Kid: Daddy, what's a nympho?
Ula: Uh, nympho is the state bird of Ohio.
Henry: You're the state idiot of Hawaii.

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Marlin: Ok, ok, OK! Enough with the titty dance!

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Nick: What did Sue say?
Henry: She said that if I talk to Lucy you'll kill me with a meat cleaver.

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Dr. Keats: Was your head shaped like an egg before she hit you?
Doug: Hey! Don't make fun of Henry, all right? It'th not hith fault hith head'th thaped like that!
Dr. Keats: Note the intense overreaciton. That's the 'roids talking.

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Ula: Oh, you crazy bitch!
Lucy: Yeah, keep running!

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[Henry sticks a tooth pick in Lucy's waffle house]
Henry: Here, you should try this out. Put this here. Swivelly door. Waffleonians can come in and out now.
Lucy: Oh, are you from a country where it's okay to stick your fingers all over someone else's food?
Henry: Uh, no, I'm from this country.
Henry: Were you gonna eat that?

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[Henry pretends to get electrocuted while jump-starting his car]
Henry: Hah! I can't believe you fell for that!
Lucy: Well... my grandfather died while trying to jump-start a car...
Henry: Oh... I'm so sorry. I was just joking around.
Lucy: I can't believe you fell for THAT!

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[first lines]
Young Woman: So tell me. How was Hawaii?
Tan Friend: It was unbelievable.

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[last lines]
Henry: Grandpa's here.
Lucy: Hi dad.

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Update Video: Red Sox win series!... Just kidding.
Update Video: Schwarzenegger becomes governor of California!... Not kidding.

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Dr. Keats: All I know about walruses is that out of all mammals they have the second largest penis. I have the first.
Henry: That's my joke.

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Doug: Well, I may not able to kick your ath but my thithter thure can.

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Update Video: April: Snoop quits weed.
Update Video: May: Snoop back on weed.

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[repeated line]
Lucy: There's nothing like a first kiss.

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Dr. Keats: Tom was in an accident and now he only has a ten-second memory.
Ten Second Tom: I was in an accident? That's terrible.
Dr. Keats: Don't worry, you're totally gonna get over it in about three seconds.

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Henry: [begging Marlin to let Henry see Lucy and apologize after she ate at the diner] I don't want it to end like this.
Doug: Yeah, well, it's gonna end like this!
[Doug runs to beat up Henry but then Henry holds him down]
Henry: Calm down, little fella!
Doug: Okay I'm calm!
[pause]
Doug: I coulda whooped his ass, Daddy but this gravel - I siped on it a fwell.
Marlin: Then maybe you need to do a little bit more butt flexes.

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Henry: I don't think that's an option, Lisa.
Linda: Linda.
Henry: I know. I changed your name for your protection.

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Nick: Hey, Mr. Peanut Butter Cups!
Henry: Hey, Mr. Could-Kill-Me-In-One-Punch!

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Ula: My shirt size is medium husky.

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Doug: [flexing his pecs in the mirror] Hey Trathie, how you doin'? Yeah, well things changed thince high thcool.

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Henry: [after Ula speaks in Hawaiian] Thanks buddy. What does it mean, again?
Ula: Bring me back a t-shirt

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Henry: Actually I'm going on a trip in a little while to study undersea Pacific walrus behaviors.
Doug: Thounds kind of fruity.
Henry: Thank you.
Doug: How long'th it going to take?
Henry: Uh... about a year.
Doug: I gueth you won't mith days like thith.
Henry: Well, maybe days like this don't have to be so bad.
Marlin: What are you trying to say?
Henry: Well, when you guys tell her, she's not just finding out about the accident. She's finding out that her life is basically a setup. I think that's what freaks her out the most.
Doug: Oh, you're an exthpert now?
Henry: No. I'm just saying I wish there was another way besides: "Sorry we couldn't trick you today. Here's some pictures of your broken head."
Doug: You wanna broken head, huh thmart guy?
Marlin: Why? You gonna give it to him?
Doug: No, Daddy, I thought you wath gonna do it.
Henry: Nobody's gotta break my head, guys. I'm gonna split anyways.
Marlin: [glaring at Doug] Don't go just 'cause my thon is thychotic.
Henry: Good night. Sweet dreams. Keep 'em dry there Doug.
Doug: Very funny.

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Ula: [dressed up as Lucy, with a coconut bra on] Aquariums make me super horny!

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Henry: I see you're sitting here by yourself, and I was wondering if I could join you for breakfast.
Lucy: Oh, that would be nice, but I have a boyfriend. I'm sorry.
Henry: You're making up a boyfriend just to get rid of me?
Lucy: No. I'm not.
Henry: Oh yeah, what's his name then?
Lucy: Ringo.
Henry: Oh yeah? What's his last name, Starr?
Lucy: No. McCartney.

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Henry: The Beach Boys? How nice of that man to give me a CD that will remind me of all the wonderful times I shared with his daughter. What an asshole!
Henry: [starts singing off key to "Wouldn't It Be Nice", then breaks out in tears] WHY would you do this to me?
Henry: [leans against the boat wheel and sobs] Oh my god, is he trying to tell me something?

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Ula's Kid: What's wrong with that turtle?
Henry: He has lung problems cause he smoked too much turtle weed, which is bad for you. Right Ula?
Ula: What? I don't smoke weed.

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Alexa: I am grouchy due to lack of recent physical intimacy.
Henry: Oooo...
Alexa: Shut up, because here comes one-time only opportunity. What I will do now is go into your office and become naked.
[Jocko the seal gives a disgusted growl]
Alexa: Next move is up to you. I may not be as limber as I once was... but yeah, I make up for it with enthusiasm and willingness to experiment.
[Snaps her neck]
Henry: I don't know if you realize, I'm not into guys.

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Henry: Let me ask you something, Alexa. If you made a promise to a girl's dad that you would not see her anymore... would you consider that like a binding promise?
Alexa: Absolutely.
Henry: Yeah?
Alexa: But then again, there are always ways around such things.
Henry: Like?
Alexa: For example. If I promised a woman's father I would not see her... I would simply shut my eyes, while she serviced my manhood.
[Jocko the walrus, slaps his face]
Henry: That's actually a cool way to look at it. And a very gross way.
[Alexa's smile drops]

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Lucy: I don't believe it... Bruce Willis is a ghost!

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Dr. Keats: Callahan Institute is the leading brain injury clinic in the Pacific Rim. We are funded out of Sandusky Ohio by T.B. Callahan, the automotive components tycoon...
[fade out]

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Henry: Could you please not put your foot on my pillow?
Ula: Sorry brah
[removes to reveal a dirty footprint and brushes it off, then sits on the pillow]
Henry: And I don't want your ass on it either!

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Ula: [after doing a painful belly flop off a dock] One of you kids go down there and find my nuts!

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Jet Skiier: [Henry jumps on a jet ski] What the hell is your problem?
Henry: Just keep going, I'll give you $20.
Jet Skiier: You got it. How's your balls?
Henry: Killing me. Hit it.

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Henry: I'll see ya around.
Lucy: Okay.
[puzzled pause]
Lucy: Really? That's it?
Henry: That's what?
Lucy: All that flirting and phony "I can't read" stuff, and you're not gonna ask me out or for my phone number?
Henry: I can't read.
Lucy: Oh, shut up. That was one of the goofiest things I've ever seen, but I thought, "Hey, if this guy is so desperate to meet me, he might be worth talking to." But then I get stiffed.
Henry: No, no, no, this is what happened. I...
Lucy: Mahalo for the ego boost.
[drives off leaving Henry sputtering]

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Henry: Can I ask you guys something? What's gonna happen down the line? Someday she's gonna wake up and look in the mirror and notice her face's aged 10 years overnight.
Marlin: You know something, Henry? I worry about that every day of my damn life.

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Young Woman: So, you must be Lucy's friend. The one who made the tape.
Lucy: I think he's more than my friend. You're my boyfriend, right?
Henry: Yes, ma'am.
Stacy: So every day you help her to realize what happened and you wait patiently for her to be okay with it... then you get her to fall in love with you again?
Henry: Yes, ma'am.
Stacy: [softly, almost beneath her breath] Gosh!
[a longing sigh, then back slaps her husband's chest right over his heart]
Stacy: You asshole! You don't even open the fricking car door for me anymore.
Jennifer: [everyone breaks out in laughter] You're in trouble!
[even more laughter]
Jennifer: I gotta go tinkle.

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Lucy: I don't know who you are, Henry... but I dream about you almost every night.
[apprehensive pause]
Lucy: Why?
Henry: What would you say if I told you that notebook you read every day used to have a lot of stuff about me in it?
Lucy: I would say that that makes a lot of sense.
Henry: You erased me from your memories because you thought you were holding me back from having a full and happy life. But you made a mistake. Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life. You're the girl of my dreams... and apparently, I'm the man of yours.
Lucy: [barely able to contain herself, she reaches out and shakes his hand] Henry. It's nice to meet you.
Henry: Lucy, it's nice to meet you too.
Ten Second Tom: [just as they are about to kiss] Hi, I'm Tom!

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Henry: Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool! And if that's one of your special brownies, don't let any of the dolphins eat that!
Ula: How do you think I get the dolphins to do double-flips and play with the white kids?

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Ula: What'd you think you're doing? - Makin' my sister clean your hotel room?
Henry: Ok... what does that have to do with anything? Relax...

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Henry: Hey! Tattoo Face!
Nick: Hey, Peanut Butter Cups!

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Henry: Ha-ha-ha... Shut up.

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Dr. Keats: Sometimes I wish my wife had Goldfield Syndrome. That way she wouldn't remember last night when I called her mother, a loud obnoxious drunk with a face like J. Edgar Hoover's ass.

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