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72 reviews in total

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25 out of 27 people found the following review useful:
Need more of these from our British cousins!, 19 July 2004

Author: mdumbroff from New York

I could understand not liking this movie if someone was expecting Citizen Kane (and if you were, you should be flogged). For a straight to video/cable movie, it had great prod. value, sharp dialogue, and a great supporting cast of Guy Ritchie characters. Throw in some solid football and you have a film to help you forget the worries of your day. The commentary by the two Bobs alone makes it worthwhile. Jones is good, but Statham steals the show in almost all of his scenes. Like the original (The Longest Yard), it was made to entertain the audience, not to provoke some deep introspective thought on the existence of God. See it, rent it, buy it! If you cant discern the heavy British slang, throw on the subtitles. If you don't have a DVD player, how in the hell are you managing to read this?

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21 out of 24 people found the following review useful:
Top class Brit flick!, 23 January 2004
Author: graboidinator from Swindon, England

You simply cannot put this movie down, a great all British cast and a great all British sport, being British and a great lover of Manchester United, i was up for this film and it didn't diasappoint me in the slightest. Vinnie Jones was brilliant as Danny Meehan and Jason Statham as the 'Monk' was simply classic vintage stuff. The match is what the watchers of this film want to see and it is fantastically constructed, just one tip of advice, don't p*** of the 'Monk'

10/10 stars, classic stuff

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24 out of 35 people found the following review useful:
unmatched soccer movie, great prison film, 1 June 2004

Author: northbert from Bratislava, Slovakia

I'm not a fan of sport movies and I am not able to watch a soccer match without dozing off, but this one got me. A sympathetic cast I know from the Guy Richie's Snatch with lovely variety of British accents, this film features a lively plot, very funny quotes and a good physical humor, elaborate shots, and an interesting range of prison characters. No matter the characters are rather flat, this simplification I was willing to accept, since the story was so good.

Even though I may have seen better prison movies, and even some that are similar in plot; the Mean Machine is unmatched in the rather distant, ironical view of the prison world, honoring fair-play and manly virtues. Moreover, I was very happy not to see any homosexual relationships among the prisoners, no matter the actual prison reality. (On the other hand, I liked the bookie, he had a style.)

All in all, I enjoyed this film very much. Do not expect food for thought but rest assured this is not a dumb entertainment either.

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13 out of 15 people found the following review useful:
It's British and there's no Hugh Grant in sight, 2 December 2003
Author: (mdsmith101@hotmail.com) from Stockton, UK

As a huge fan of Longest Yard, I was very nervous about this film, rest assured, this is great, especially when watched with all yer mates and the lager is freely flowing. Vinnie Jones is a former england footie player now disgraced and stuck in prison for assault, if you've seen the Longest Yard you know what comes next.

Highlights include David Hemming's eyebrows, Jason Statham's insane Monk character, Bob & Bob the commentators, the over-done Ravinelli references (I'm a Boro fan), and Ralph Brown's guard who is actually a nice fella at the end, and a score of supporting actors who pop up during the film, but whose names I can't remember.

This film is not a classic, or a masterpiece, it's what almost every film should be: fun

Mean Machine (2001) well worth checking out

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6 out of 8 people found the following review useful:
Rage Against The Machine, 1 June 2008
Author: Senyales from Fraggle Rock

Based on Keenan Wynn's 'The Longest Yard', Fletcher adds Brit wit to the screenplay as Skolnick directs a splendid film. Of course the story isn't anything new (like most sports flicks) but the humour brings out the charm. The characters are fun to watch and funnily enough the actors have famously starred in Guy Ritchie films. It's as if they were in prison for the crimes they committed in those films. But, just to avoid any misconception, this isn't a crime-flick and it's very different from the Ritchie films, both in style and content. One doesn't have to be a football fan to enjoy it as the entertainment value is universal. The football match sequence was hilarious and if only the real matches were half entertaining! All the actors do a fine job but it is Vinnie Jones who carries the movie and it's nice to see him as a guy who gets beaten up in comparison to the tough guy roles he's typecast in. Overall, this is a fun little film, not one to be taken too seriously.

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9 out of 16 people found the following review useful:
Not a bad football/soccer and prison film, 22 September 2004
Author: StayinFrosty from Ontario, Canada

Based on the 1974 American movie, The Longest Yard, Mean Machine is about an ex-pro footballer/soccer player who is sent to prison. Hated at first, he gains friends when he begins to coach an all-convict soccer team against the prison guards' already-established team.

I haven't seen the original so I can't compare them but I found Mean Machine pretty enjoyable. Vinnie Jones does a good job as Danny Meehan and it's nice to see him in a role where he's not the scary one. I liked the subtle humour as well, from Massive's ironic name to the unpredictable Monk (the crazy "Scot even the Scots are afraid of" - convincingly played by Jason Statham) to the pair of commentators, Bob and Bob at the final match.

The DVD I saw included audio tracks for both the original UK theatrical release and the "domestic" (i.e. American) release. After watching the original, I learned that the American had a few words re-dubbed to make the language easier to understand for these audiences. I then watched the second version and didn't find much of a difference between the two. There were some things that the character Nitro said that were noticeably re-dubbed (which didn't help much considering the way he shouts!) and a few slang terms were changed to more international expressions. I think some reviewers of this film may have been unaware of this and so complained about the more obvious dubbing.

The only one I actually found helpful was when a character says he's in prison "for [an abbreviation]." I didn't catch what he said and the American version replaced the letters with "assault and battery." I found one change a bit puzzling though: Mr. Sykes gives the governor of the prison tips for horse racing, writing letters next to his choices on a newspaper. After losing money on a false winner ("W"), Sykes explains to the governor that "it got smudged in the rain. It says EW: either way." This was changed to "EW: to place." I thought the original was quite clear and the new one no longer matches the letters.

Overall, it's not a bad film. I liked it enough to watch it twice and if you like football/soccer and prison films, there aren't many that combine the two to choose from.

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2 out of 3 people found the following review useful:
The Longest Yard Redux, 27 October 2003
Author: Vanessa Aiton from Idaho, USA

I really enjoyed this flick. Perhaps because I always enjoy sports related flicks, or because I am a huge fan of Vinnie Jones, thanks to Guy Richie, or maybe because I am in love with Jason Statham, also thanks to Guy.

But why I watched it in the first place was because I had always enjoyed The Longest Yard with Burt Reynolds, in fact the only flick of his I enjoyed, and was very happy to see a British version of the football classic. I loved the characters, the seamless transition from American football to European football, and the accents. Vinnie Jones gives yet another great performance, and it was nice to see so many characters return from Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels as well as Snatch (great flicks!).

I give this flick 4 1/2 stars, only because it didn't showcase "Monk" enough for my tastes.

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3 out of 5 people found the following review useful:
2001, 1981, 1971 = a classic theme, 1 October 2003

Author: LivingDog from NYC, NY

Vinnie Jones as "Danny Meehan" and Jason Statham as "Monk" deliver solid performances on a solid theme of a movie. I particularly liked Statham (who played "Turkish" in _Snatch_) because this proved to me how solid of an *actor* he is. I was totally convinced by his performance and forgot the actor behind the mask. Statham was totally dedicated to this role and it showed every second he was on camera.

Solid production, solid casting, supporting roles by all. 9/10

-Zafoid

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4 out of 7 people found the following review useful:
Not that funny or interesting but distracting enough nonsense to appeal to slightly drunk male football fans, 4 August 2006
Author: bob the moo from Birmingham, UK

Danny Meehan is a former football star and former captain of England at the top level. However when a drunken binge leads to an assault on some police officers, Danny finds himself in prison where the welcome is less than, well, welcoming. Struggling to fit in and threatened by guards and prisoners alike, Danny accepts the offer from the gambling warden to stage a football match between the prisoners and the officers. However with few willing to stand up with Danny (and against the screws), things look like they will be near impossible.

One of a couple of remakes of The Longest Yard, this film goes for a straight remake but with a UK setting. Despite it occasionally having a serious edge to it, this is mostly a film about laddish jokes, banter and sports. It could have had interesting subtexts about corruption, the impact of sport on society or the corrupting nature of power/authority but instead it just goes for the lowest denominator every chance it gets. In this way it marks out its territory and its target audience and never really aspires to much beyond this. It is a shame really because it is clearly trying serious things but they just come off as clunky and not developed properly. The effect of this is that it regularly knocks the wind out of the fun aspect that only occasionally gets up a good head of steam.

The cast do the best they can regardless and, in fairness, they do OK. Jones is pretty convincing in most scenes and only struggles when he is called upon to convey emotion or carry the serious stuff. Blackwood is good value in a silly role. Statham nicely sends up his martial arts personae well. The rest of the cast are so-so and fit in with the general so-so level the film is working on but you do have to wonder why Sally Phillips bothered to show up for such a pointless character.

Overall a basic sports comedy. It isn't very funny, doesn't have much of interest and it isn't much cop. At the time I was shattered and just looking for something brainless to fill a bit of down time – on that level it worked for me, but only just.

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6 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
Blimey, need the Mean Machine to eradicate meanness?, 5 March 2002
Author: janyeap from Washington, DC

Call them old re-cycled clichés from the past perhaps, but this film, with Vinnie Jones and Jason Statham's impressionable performances, is worth seeing before this film hits the video stores or cable! At least, their characters are equally as funny and wild as The Longest Yard-`Burt Reynolds' bunch!

Of course, this is one heck of a guy's movie where cheers are for cons, and jeers for their `screws'! Still, it is one British comedy with loads of silly goofs, strengthened by a fantastic soccer game to hold the viewers' interest. Only wish all soccer games do bring equal excitement! This flick is one mean drama that takes the whole cast to kick up laughter! Yep, good old British `tavern' parlance… if the viewers have a knack for Cockney accents and slang! I'm not a sport fan, nor am I fond of ruthless and insensible nudging, but I literally behaved like a stadium spectator, guffawing boisterously while watching one team demean another. Each team does have its psychotic players with their crazy antics! Tough charlatans and their power struggle out on the open field!

Blimey! Lots of scenes making my brains rock and belly shake! The erratic `Mambo Jumbo' music score certainly builds up steam. No doubt, I'll have to try to get used to `Irish Eyes Are Smiling' strumming up in samba beat! But overall, the music compilation does well to yank up the moods. The camerawork frequently diminishes my eye-focus in my attempt to catch up with the actions and wit! Just one big soccer field for landscape, but there's enough living action to captivate the eyes! Some cool `aerial' camera-shots too!

But atlas, this is not the sort of film that will present food for thought once it's over. Everything is predictable, as in many sport-flicks. Laugh while events last! And believe that the only credible thing about this movie is the extensity of a corrupted man's gambling woes that goes with sport, as portrayed by the villainous Hemmings!

Of course, there's one learning lesson that gets through this flick: it takes meanness to fight meanness! Surprise? Of course not! What else can one expect from a bunch of toughies, involved in a rough sport and within a sinister environment! Rules, therefore, are meant to be broken and there will be plenty of vicious manipulations up everyone's sleeves! And how each culprit tackles it is a laughing matter! I sure had fun watching this flick…

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