Memorable quotes for
"Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" (1999) More at IMDbPro »

[opening narration]
Narrator: In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.

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Capt. Donald Cragen: You don't get to pick the vic.

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Det. Brian Cassidy: I don't get S&M. I mean, hurt me, it turns me on. Come on, what's up with that?
Det. John Munch: It starts with the tattoos. Once you get the ink, it's just a matter of time before you're begging to be tied up and spanked.
Det. Brian Cassidy: Yeah, tattoos are just a gateway to the sexual dark side, my friend.
Det. Elliot Stabler: [putting his right arm around Cassidy and turning his left arm so one tattoo shows] You guys have finally figured me out, huh?
Det. Monique Jefferies: Seriously, did you get off on the tiny little pinpricks of pain?
Det. Elliot Stabler: No, I get that from workin' with you.

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Olivia Benson: There's gotta be dozens of pictures here. The bastards been stalking her for awhile.

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Olivia Benson: You're under arrest for attempted kidnapping and reckless endangerment. You have the right to remain silent. If you give up that right, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

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Brian Cassidy: [drinks, pauses; talks about a case that haunts him] There was this guy in the hood that she liked, this guy named Vince. She went down to Coney Island to, uh, to see him. You know that whole 'under the boardwalk, down by the sea' thing? After Vince... did her... his whole set wolf-packed her. Seven, eight guys... she's not sure. Which is bad enough, Captain, but it just gets worse. They left her there, uh, by herself, in the cold, wrapped up in a beach towel. It was after dark, you know, and she couldn't walk. She just sat there in what was left of her... clothes, and this guy comes along and asks her if she needs some help, and she says, "Yes, please... thank you." And this guy... this, uh... this Good Samaritan, he, uh... he...

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Det. Monique Jefferies: Can I help you?
Det. Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola: Yea, my names Odafin Tutuola, I was reassigned here from Narcotics.
Det. Monique Jefferies: You're here for my job.
Det. Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola: Oh. Well, this is awkward.
Det. Monique Jefferies: Try it from my end.

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Det. Elliot Stabler: What the hell are you doing here?
Federal Attorney: Your conversational skills are what I like most about you.

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George Huang: Do you gamble, Elliot?
Elliot Stabler: Only with birth control.

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Alex Cabot: An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

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Det. John Munch: [after a suspect complains about immigrants coming to America] It's almost as though there's a sign that says "Give us your tired and poor."

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John Munch: Your Jew? Your Jew? How about I call you my BOY?
Fin Tutuola: Then I'd be your boy, John!

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[after Fin tackles a running suspect]
Elliot Stabler: Nice Tackle.

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[after he lost on a game]
John Munch: Damn it. I died.
[Fin grabs the controller]
Fin Tutuola: Let me see me this.

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Fin Tutuola: Hey good girls fall for bad boys

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John Munch: And with that I say good-night, you need to drive me home and you need to get some sleep.
Fin Tutuola: You need to get a new driver.

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Fin Tutuola: You have the right to an attorney and if you throw up in my car, I'll kill ya.

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[after a father shoots his daughter's rapist/murderer]
Elliot Stabler: I could've stopped him. I should've known what Ray was gonna do.
Olivia Benson: How?
Elliot Stabler: I would have done the same thing.
Olivia Benson: No, you wouldn't.
Elliot Stabler: Well, wait 'til you're a parent.
Olivia Benson: Don't throw that crap at me, Elliot. You made a mistake.
Elliot Stabler: What?
Olivia Benson: You let Ray in.
Elliot Stabler: You're right, I did. He got to me. And now I'm responsible

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[to the defense's neurologist]
ADA Alexandra Cabot: Thank you. You've offered a provocative theory. What it lacks in substance, it makes up for in pretty colors.

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Det. Elliot Stabler: [screaming] I got an F!

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Det. Elliot Stabler: [sees Warner enter the restaurant where he and Olivia are eating lunch] An ME out of the lab? It must be big.
M.E. Melinda Warner: I got the report back from the contents of the vomit.
Det. Olivia Benson: Am I going to want to stop eating for this?
M.E. Melinda Warner: Roast beef, mozzarella cheese, corn and raisins. Luckily, it had only been in the stomach a few hours, so it was only partially digested.
Det. Olivia Benson: All right, I'm done.
[pushes her salad away. Elliot shrugs and takes it]

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Olivia Benson: What happened between you and Cathy?
Elliot Stabler: [shrugs] Uhh, the job. Makes me kind of hard to live with.
Olivia Benson: She should try working with you.

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M.E. Melinda Warner: [performing an autopsy with the detectives present] No fluids present. Tests show spermicide common in condoms.
[removes an organ from the body and weighs it]
Elliot Stabler: This is fun.

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John Munch: Civil liberties, good. Lawyers, bad.

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John Munch: Actually the 1st Amendment gives him the right to ask, the 5th Amendment gives you the right not to answer.

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[repeated line when suspects give a "great" excuse for what they've done]
ADA Casey Novak: Is that the best you can come up with?

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ADA David Goreman: So you're an expert on sex crimes - is that correct?
Brian Cassidy: Well, we all have something to learn...
ADA David Goreman: I'm sure. Can you tell us the technical, or 'psycho-sexual' term, if you will - for fondling a stranger?
Brian Cassidy: [thinking] ... Fromage?...
[audience giggles]
ADA David Goreman: I believe it's "frottage".
Brian Cassidy: Right, right - "frottage".

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Det. Monique Jefferies: Are you gonna eat this?
John Munch: Suppose we say yes.
Det. Monique Jefferies: Suppose I was just being polite.
John Munch: That would be a first.
Brian Cassidy: Go ahead, Munch doesn't eat veggies
Det. Monique Jefferies: Really? I heard that's not the only thing John doesn't... eat.

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[Elliot walks in to find Kathy and Maureen in conversation at the dinner table]
Kathy Stabler: Oh, you're home.
Maureen Stabler: You're probably on her side.
Det. Elliot Stabler: You look healthy enough to me.
[to Kathy]
Det. Elliot Stabler: Have you eaten?
Kathy Stabler: No, I was waiting until you got home.
Det. Elliot Stabler: "Manicotti Night", down at Scarentino's. Bottle of chianti, our name on it. Let's get out of here.
Maureen Stabler: You can't make me eat Italian, either.
Det. Elliot Stabler: Good, you're not invited. See you.

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John Munch: Not to mention the fact that I lost a wife after less than one night of connubial bliss to someone who was not only a detective but a member of my own squad.

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Capt. Donald Cragen: My wife was on an Orlando turnaround as a flight attendant, and I was home, scrubbing algae off the tiles around the swimming pool that we never used, the one that got me into hot water with Internal Affairs, because 'what's a cop doing with an in-ground pool", right?, and then the phone rang, the call she always expected, always dreaded.

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Capt. Donald Cragen: The law isn't always about justice.
ADA Alexandra Cabot: Who let you in on our dirty little secret?

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Capt. Donald Cragen: It's a case of he said, she said, he's dead

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Capt. Donald Cragen: Drugs, I get, but ponies?

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ADA Casey Novak: I just set a world record getting these search warrnats, not to mention risking my life to interrupt Judge Terhune's poker game... again!

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[Looking through a victim's purse for ID]
Olivia Benson: No jewelry. I always carry at least a pair of earrings in my purse.
Elliot Stabler: Yeah, like you carry a purse.
Olivia Benson: That's 'cause you carry it for me.
Elliot Stabler: Heh...

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Det. Monique Jefferies: Wow, 4.7 million in one year.
Det. Brian Cassidy: That's pretty good for a fledgling charity.
Det. Olivia Benson: Fledgling - I'm impressed.
Det. Brian Cassidy: Yeah, that's right, I'm a real dope, aren't I? You know what I did last night? I looked it up and I memorized it just so I can impress you.

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Fin Tutuola: [Munch starts one of his theories... ] Don't get him started on one of his conspiracy theories!

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Capt. Donald Cragen: What would it take to get a blanket DNA on an entire facility?
ADA Alexandra Cabot: A constitutional amendment.

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Capt. Donald Cragen: You think Landricks is a murderer and not just a sick freak?
John Munch: Since when do those two exclude each other?

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Fin Tutuola: [everyone is staring at him after he has just explained what 'sex on the DL' is] Don't look at me, I just know stuff.

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Neighbor: [a snoopy neighbor witnessed a rape and didn't report it] Do I need a lawyer?
Elliot Stabler: For being a peeping tom? No, you just need a shrink.

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Suspect: [referring to Stabler] If that's the guy that's questioning me, I definitely want my lawyer.

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Det. John Munch: Round 2 we go bad cop on his ass, right Jeffries?
Det. Monique Jefferies: Cool.

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Kathy Stabler: So, what's going on at work?
[long pause]
Elliot Stabler: Nothing.

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Det. John Munch: We're looking for leads on Deacon's murder, not "America's Skankiest Home Videos".

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Reporter: Look, if you think I'm giving that up, you're on crack.
Det. Elliot Stabler: I'm on what?

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Capt. Donald Cragen: Romeo just signed up for tonight's event.
Olivia Benson: He's looking for a new Juliet.

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Det. Elliot Stabler: [referring to a killer who dumped the body in a sewage treatment plant] They sure know their crap.

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ADA Casey Novak: This changes everything.

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Det. Olivia Benson: You're one night as a bachelor and you go to the grocery store? That’s lame.
Det. Elliot Stabler: [shrugs] A grocery store with strippers.

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Det. Elliot Stabler: [to Fin during a card game] What's your favorite kind of torture?

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