Pilot Kelson:
Pop Quiz.
Jack Hayes:
No.
Pilot Kelson:
Come on. It's a quick one.
Jack Hayes:
Go.
Pilot Kelson:
What is 1,056 dicks?
Jack Hayes:
A lot of dicks.
Pilot Kelson:
Beep. Perfect Score. Gold star.
[
as he has raw sex with Jilly Miranda]
Jack Hayes:
Jack and Jilly went up the hilly to fetch a pale of water!
Johnny the Fox:
A field... I need a field... A field in which to frolic!
Pilot Kelson:
You are one daffy invididual!
Pilot Kelson:
I like it... Hit the road, flee for your life, meet a doll who's got "once and a lifetime girl of my dreams and reason to believe" written all over her like so much graffiti. It could only happen to the god of fuck.
Pilot Kelson:
[
after the alligator boy screams] That be a cry laden with pain and sorrow
Pilot Kelson:
Desmond the alligator boy is a major happener
Pilot Kelson:
When you think about it, the world is divided into 2 groups... pandas and alligator boys
Jack Hayes:
Pop quiz.
Pilot Kelson:
Go.
Jack Hayes:
How much I owe you for helping me out?
Pilot Kelson:
A gazillion.
Jack Hayes:
Who's the major old-school happener?
Pilot Kelson:
Piiilot.
Jack Hayes:
How much longer we a team?
Pilot Kelson:
Forever.
Jack Hayes:
Beep... perfect score, gold star.
Jack Hayes:
You bang her yet man?
Pilot Kelson:
Not even close... if "Bangher" was an island off the coast of the Carribean, me and Lucy are stuck in traffic in Jersey
Jack Hayes:
Can we just have 15 minutes of fun in our fucking miserable lives?
Pilot Kelson:
Famous last words...
Pilot Kelson:
[
telling Jack that the whore thought Pilot was sexually confused] Sexual confusion... I mean, you don't think I have sexual confusion, do you?
Pilot Kelson:
So, it was cool, you know? I told her about my troubles and she was like, 'sexual confusion's a tricky thing'. Sexual confusion? I mean, easy on the sexual confusion tip, baby. You make me sound like a guy in a raincoat with a fistful of vaseline, you know?
[
laughs]
Pilot Kelson:
Sexual confusion... I mean, you don't think I have sexual confusion, do you...?
Shanks:
[
walks up to Pilot] You the boyfriend? You like alligator dick?
[
touches Pilot's lips]
Shanks:
Like to suck it?
Pilot Kelson:
This is Jack Hayes, the God of Fuck!
Shanks:
[
turns to Jack] Is that what they call you? The God of Fuck? Tell me something... do you like to get fucked?
Cassie:
That's pretty pathetic in my book.
Pilot Kelson:
In your book? And what's the title of that book? Is it called 'Give Me A Hundred Bucks And I'll Suck Your Dick'? Cause I think I read that one, and it was... ooh... lurid.
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