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5 out of 5 people found the following review useful: Flashing naked boobs does not a good movie make, 20 June 2003 Author: Lawson from Singapore
Early clues that this movie will be a complete waste of time: Gratuitous female nudity before the opening credits are over, and wobbly cameras zooming in at screeching people to simulate predator attacks. And oh look, boobs were bared again 10 minutes into the movie.Essentially this movie is similar in plot to the recent Ghost Ship - the crew of a boat find a (haunted) abandoned ship and board it. This script is crap, however. There's something about an Aztec curse, which leads to flashbacks of sacrificial rituals, which naturally requires there to be naked women. Despite the title, this is actually a monster flick. Effects are limited here (read: a monster that looks like a puppet), as is the acting. There are a few more experienced actors, and there are the actors that need a few more years of acting school before they can take up roles like "Bystander #1".I wonder what a renowned actor like James Brolin is doing in this movie. I guess before he married money... I mean Barbra Streisand, he had to find some way of paying the bills.
Good movie leads to really stupid climax, 19 August 2006 Author: lordzedd-3 from United States
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
MAJOR SPOILERS! I hate to say this, speaking as a man and all. But there was way too much nudity in this film. This has got to be some kind of record for nudity in a non-porno flick. There has got to be twenty to thirty minutes just for nudity. The creature effects were okay, for a snakeman. But as per the norm with anyone connected to Roger Cormen, they don't do their "RESEARCH". If you want to talk about something as widely known as the Aztec Gods, you don't use your imagination, you go with the facts. Fact, Quetzalcoatl is the winged snake God, some versions have him with legs, but with wings, where are the wings? Second, they misspelled Quetzalcoatl. Look it up! Lastly, the acting was worse then some pornos in places and then comes the OTHER SHOE ENDING. Some might ask, what is the "Other shoe ending". It's this, the monster is dead, someone escapes alive. Then the other shoe drops turning a happy ending into a bad ending. In this case it was this, stop reading if you don't really want to know. Second Mate Johnson sets the monster ablaze, she leaps out as the ship explodes behind her. Her ship searches for her for hours and finds her on board a piece of wood (ala Titanic) and a close up shows that she is transforming. That makes no sense, she out of all people know not to touch the snake statue, she never touched the snake statue. Why is this happening, it makes no sense, it's stupid. Why do these morons who make these kind of movies think that it has to have a bad ending to leave it open? Hmm? No matter how stupid they have to make it. This is how I would have done it, take notes future filmmakers. Johnson is rescued and is still human. Fade out, fade in, under the ocean, the sunken ship. Sinking out have put the fire out before it could get to the cargo hold. We pan through the treasures until we reach the snake statue, which is undamaged and the eyes are glowing. That's how you keep a movie open and not look STUPID!!!!That's why I give this good movie with a majorly stupid ending the NOOSE!
Watch only in a well-ventilated room!, 16 December 2000 Author: (dickfoster) from Virginia
The premise of looted (and cursed) Aztec treasure found on a drifting ship has promise to be deliciously scary. Unfortunately, the Haunted Sea doesn't fulfil the promise. Can be amusing if you look for scenes and stunts from good Sci-Fi and horror movies, and try to guess the next lame plot device to bare Ms. Allen's not-inconsiderable mammary gifts. Without a single original idea, character, scene or word, this movie is so bad you'll keep watching it to see if it can get any worse-and it does! Makes you wonder what ended up on the cutting room floor (now that is scary!).
Large breasts, not-too-special-effects, 22 September 1999 Author: BruceMc from United States
"The Haunted Sea" is an incredibly bad, cheap movie, noteworthy only for its short length and gratuitous nudity. Krista Allen-Morritt's so-big-they-won't-fit-in-a-football-helmet breasts are the true stars of this "Aliens", "Q, The Winged Serpent", and "Leviathan" rip-off, as she's topless at every possible occasion, including dream sequences and a shower scene.Casting borders on the ridiculous: extraordinarily beautiful Joanna Pacula is the freighter's 2nd-in-command, and James Brolin (Barbra Streisand's paramour) is the ship's captain who uses such nautical terms as "left" and "right."Special effects are ridiculous: the monster looks like a cheap Godilla (think of "Godzookie" on the old cartoon); animated "lightning" jumps off ancient Aztec statues; the assorted killings are amateurish at best.See it only if you have nothing better to do for it's 84 minute running time.
"Aztec" silliness, 12 August 1999 Author: Memlets from Florida
The other user comment for this movie says it all, except that Barbra Streisand should forbid hubby James Brolin from ever again attempting an Irish accent.And then there's that gimme cap on the noggin of the usually glamorous, decidedly non-butch Joanna Pacula.MST3K is gone, sad to say. This would have been perfect fodder.
Unless you like Krista Allen-Moritt or guys in rubber suits, don't bother, 9 September 1998 Author: anonymous from Virginia
Plot: Monster decimates ship crew, derelict found by cargo ship whose crew investigates to monster's delight. Terrible special effects, boring chase scenes, and an uninspired cast and story line sum up this ripoff of ALIEN with an Aztec twist. Special effects consist of lots of fake blood, a bad monster costume, and Krista Allen -Moritt's breasts. Monster looks like it walked straight off the set of SPECTRAMAN (old precursor to POWER RANGERS), including monster noises those TV producers would have been embarrassed to dub (they sound like someone after a bad bowl of chili). The channeling/dream scenes are particularly stupid, and the chase scenes, such as they are, are beyond boring - my vocabulary fails me at this point.Will make MST3k some day, if MST3k survives.
3 out of 6 people found the following review useful: Waterlogged ALIEN rip-off., 25 February 2004 Author: capkronos (capkronos00@hotmail.com) from Ohio, USA
Most low budget ALIEN copies try to camouflage the fact they're copies by setting them in some exotic locale. We have gotten ALIEN underwater (LEVIATHAN, DEEPSTAR SIX, etc.), underground (MIND RIPPER), in a jungle (PREDATOR), on post-holocaust earth (CREEPOZOIDS), in skyscrapers (PROJECT: METALBEAST) and basically anywhere where people in a confined space are stalked and killed off by a big FX monster. It's all the same. Some are good, some are OK and some are terrible. This one (set on an abandoned boat) falls into the latter category, but gets some major unintentional laughs thanks mainly to the awful creature design.Here (in case anyone cares), an ancient Aztec statue turns a guy into a terrible looking, floppy-handed lizard creature who attacks and kills off most of the cast. Flashbacks to an Aztec temple (using badly incorporated stock footage) are just an excuse to get big-breasted star Krista Allen out of her clothes (not a bad thing). Joanna Pacula deserves to be in better movies. James Brolin deserves his eventual fate (marriage to *ARGHHH!* Barbra Streisand!)Score: 2 out of 10
2 out of 6 people found the following review useful: Incredibly awful., 2 April 2001 Author: HumanoidOfFlesh from Chyby, Poland
Along with "Grim" this is possibly the worst monster-on-the-loose horror film I have ever seen.James Brolin and Joanna Pacula are completely wasted in this piece of crap.As for Pacula,she is my favourite Polish actress but why she was involved in this disaster is beyond me.The plot is obnoxious and stupid,the monster looks incredibly fake and the special effects are mostly made up of splattering red paint/blood on the wall when someone gets hacked up.The lead actress Krista Allen is extremely annoying and incredibly wooden.To sum up,if you enjoy lame acting,cheesy gore effects and an implausible plot,then this is the film for you.If not,avoid it like the plague.
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