[
repeated line]
Lump Maroon:
Jupiter!
Kevin the stage manager:
[
at the start of every show] Five minutes! Five minutes! Show starts in five minutes!
Announcer:
[
show open] Fresh out the box! Stop, look, and watch! Ready yet? Get set! It's all that!
[
repeated line]
Ed:
Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger, can I take your order?
Lori Beth Denberg:
If there was an animal called a yabba-dabba, and you kept one in your backyard, you might accidentally step in yabba-dabba doo.
Lori Beth Denberg:
If your bra is too tight, it's uncomfortable. If you're a *boy* and your bra is too tight, *I'm* uncomfortable.
Kyle Sullivan:
Tell them about the time you slapped Hitler!
Dr. Debbie:
So what's wrong with you?
Bernie Kibbitz:
[
shouting] What *isn't* wrong with me? I'm 112 years old! My dog ran away! They cancelled the "Melrose Place!" This morning I sprained my ankle pole-vaulting and my doctor is a cheerleader... *oy!*
Lori Beth Denberg:
It's nice to stop and smell flowers. It's bad to stop and smell this old burrito.
[
repeated line]
Antoine:
What it is.
Complaint Department Lady:
Complaint Department.
Megan Marples:
Hello, my name is Megan Marples, that is. And this is my dog, Sniffles.
Complaint Department Lady:
Is that your complaint?
Megan Marples:
Why, no it is not! You see, I bought this hat and it has a hole in it. Observe the whole.
Complaint Department Lady:
[
grabbing dog] Well, this is the weirdest hat I've ever seen.
Megan Marples:
No, no, no, no. That is my dog. This is my hat.
Complaint Department Lady:
[
placing dog on head] How's it look?
Megan Marples:
Well, it looks like you have my dog on your head.
Complaint Department Lady:
I feel pretty.
Megan Marples:
Okay, as I was saying. This hat has a hole in it.
Complaint Department Lady:
...Whatcha doin'?
Megan Marples:
Complaining.
Complaint Department Lady:
May I hear your complaint?
Megan Marples:
Well, I sure as heck hope so! This hat has an unwanted hole in it!
Complaint Department Lady:
[
opening dog's mouth] Well, you're right. There's a hole right here! This hat is defective.
[
throws dog down defective shoot]
Megan Marples:
No, that's my dog!
Complaint Department Lady:
[
grabbing hat] Oh, and what a cute dog it is! Who's a cutie? Who's a cute little...
[
checks under the hat]
Complaint Department Lady:
boy? You are!
Megan Marples:
You are loony!
[
walks off]
Complaint Department Lady:
Sir, you forgot your dog!
Repairman:
I'm Repairman-man-man-man-man!
Lori Beth Denberg:
When the going gets tough, the tough get going. When left in the sun, mayonnaise grows hair.
Randy:
I HAVE NO IDEA!
[
repeated line]
Ashley:
Dear Ashley. THAT'S ME!
[
repeated line]
Loud Librarian:
QUIET! THIS IS A LIBRARY!
Lori Beth Denberg:
It is not nice to push your friend Billy off a roof and then yell "Look neighbors! It's raining Billy!"
Lori Beth Denberg:
Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey don't see, monkey step in doo.
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