Teresa's Tattoo (1994)

User Rating:

4.5/10   

Director:

Julie Cypher

Writers:

Samuel Benedict (story)
Marc Cushman (additional dialogue)

Release Date:

6 April 1995 (Germany)

Genre:

Comedy

Plot:

Mathematician Teresa just wanted to study during the College spring break. But her friends, who want her to live a little...

Plot Keywords:

Kidnapping | Satire | Independent Film | Character Name In Title

Cast

Matt Adler	...	Titus
C. Thomas Howell	...	Carl
Nancy McKeon	...	Sara
Lou Diamond Phillips	...	Wheeler
Casey Siemaszko	...	Michael
Brian Davila	...	Elvis
Jonathan Silverman	...	Rick
Melissa Etheridge	...	Hooker
Adrienne Shelly	...	Teresa / Gloria
Diedrich Bader	...	Higgins
Anthony Clark	...	Mooney
Eric Gilliland	...	Police Officer
Lisa M. Hansen	...	Hooker with Bird
Tippi Hedren	...	Evelyn Hill
k.d. lang	...	Michelle

Runtime:

88 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Sound Mix:

Ultra Stereo

Certification:

Iceland:L | USA:R

Filming Locations:

Los Angeles, California, USA

Company:

Cinetel Films

Soundtrack:

Betrayal Of Kings

Stupid, probably intentionally that way

If this was MEANT to be a good movie, whoever wrote it would have given it a MUCH better plot, and called it something much less...silly than "Teresa's Tattoo!"

But I really, really don't think the writers, directors, cast, crew, etc, of this film were intending to make something good, or if they were, um... well, I won't go there.

Instead, "Teresa's Tattoo" is some weird, loud comedy made up of a big crew of supporting and/or B actors, who seem to be improvising most of the time, probably to liven up the ridiculous "plot" of a "college student" (played by geriatric looking Adrienne Shelley) who is mistaken for the sister of a bumbling villian (Casey Siemaszko, who's the only reason I watched this!), and kidnapped by uh, other bumbling villians (C. Thomas Howell and a couple of other B-actors I am forgetting) and for some reason given a "new look" that includes dyed-red hair, a short, tight, black leather dress, and a tattoo, hence the title. I think the whole reason behind her stupid kidnapping is so the stupid kidnappers can get an earing that really contains a microchip full of ...importance.

It's dumb alright, sometimes in a dull way, and sometimes in a so-stupid-it's-funny way. The duller moments involve Shelley and her friends Nancy McKeon(was SHE supposed to be a "college student" too?!) and Joe Pantiolano(sporting a hideous wardrobe); and Shelley and her family (the usually somewhat dependable Sean Astin is stuck in a drab role as Shelley's stepbrother, a gratuitously Southern cop...and Mr. Astin needs to work on accents with a dialect coach if they are all as bad as this one). Howell and his gang of robbers are also fairly dull, except some weird "bit" involving frozen food is soooorrrrt of entertaining. Siemaszko and Lou Diamond Phillips (director Julie Cypher's ex) are actually pretty funny in their nonsensical roles, and I don't even care for Lou Diamond Phillips most of the time. Their roles are fairly big, too, which helps.

A plethora of celebrities also have cameos, such as Tippi Hedren and Shelly Fabres; Melissa Ethridge (Cypher's other ex); Mare Winningham; Kiefer Sutherland; and Emilio Estevez(or else it was an Emilio Estevez wannabe, and what's with the "Young Guns" cast?), all adding to the fact that this was really just some excuse for these actors to get together and party, or else they all needed to pay their rent or something, because ...why else was this made?

At least it makes for a semi- entertaining way to pass the time.