[
Reading a magazine ad]
Drucker:
"Paramount Pictures presents 'The Freak.' This movie won't just scare you, it will fuck you up for life." I want to know how the fuck the word "fuck" gets in the New York fucking Times!
Stephen:
We can't level, you crazy bastard, we're in advertising!
Robles:
Porsche. It's a little too small to get laid IN it, but you get laid the minute you get out of it!
Kathy:
You may think phone service stinks since deregulation, but don't mess with us, because we're all you've got. In fact, if we fold, you'll have no damn phones. AT&T - we're tired of taking your crap!
[
Drucker is being interviewed on Larry King's TV program]
Charles Drucker:
Total honesty in advertising began as a vision I had when I was a young ad man in Milwaukee...
Emory Leeson:
I don't believe that jerk!
Saabs:
I like Larry King!
Emory Leeson:
I'm talking about Drucker! He took all the credit!
Charles Drucker:
Harris. Say something honest, no holds barred.
Harris:
I like... small boys.
Charles Drucker:
About the product, you fucking idiot!
Kathy:
Pretty girls are breaking everybody's back.
Emory Leeson:
But you're pretty. I mean, really pretty.
Kathy:
Yes, but I don't have the problems normally associated with prettiness... because, when I was a child, I looked like Ed McMahon.
Kathy:
Who here wants to be an advertising executive?
[
several hands go up]
Emory Leeson:
Who here wants to be a fire truck?
[
everyone raises their hands, with several standing and commenting things like "Ooh, I do!" and "Me! Pick me!"]
George:
[
character can't say anything except variations on "Hello"] Hello. How the hell are ya?
Kathy:
Hold me. Please hold me.
Emory Leeson:
I am holding you.
Kathy:
I know, but it's a woman thing. I have to say it.
Drucker:
[
reading ad copy] Metamucil: We help you go to the toilet so you won't get cancer and die.
Emory Leeson:
Take me away from here; I'll buy you dinner, I'll buy you a restaurant!
Stephen:
I have to go.
Emory Leeson:
You did quite a bit of silent farting in the car, so you're not perfect either.
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