Beverly Hills Vamp (1989)

Director:

Fred Olen Ray

Writer:

Ernest D. Farino (writer)

Genre:

Comedy | Horror

Tagline:

No sex is safe tonight.

Plot:

A trio of geeks go to Hollywood to make a movie and are bored one night so they get some hookers to have some sex...

Plot Keywords:

Erotica | Prostitute | Beautiful Woman | Female Nudity | Vampire

Cast

Britt Ekland	...	Madame Cassandra
Eddie Deezen	...	Kyle Carpenter
Tim Conway Jr.	...	Brock
Tom Shell	...	Russell
Michelle Bauer	...	Kristina
Jillian Kesner	...	Claudia
Debra Lamb	...	Jessica
Jay Richardson	...	Aaron Pendleton
Brigitte Burdine	...	Molly
Ralph Lucas	...	Balthazar
Robert Quarry	...	Father Ferraro
Dawn Wildsmith	...	Sherry Santa Monica
Tony Lorea	...	Sergeant Kelton
Caryle Waldman	...	Cleaning Lady
Susan Olar	...	Nurse

Runtime:

88 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Sound Mix:

Mono

Certification:

Australia:M | UK:18 | USA:R | Iceland:16

Filming Locations:

Eggbert Family Residence, Beverly Hills, California, USA

Company:

American Independent Productions

Quotes:

[Kristina approaches Kyle]
Kristina: Is that a stake in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?
[Kyle pulles out a wooden stake]
Kyle Carpenter: Ha, ha! It's a stake! Die, bitch!
[Kyle then runs through Kristina with the stake]
Kristina: Ooooh, that's a big one!
[She then dies and disintegrates]

Awful, awful film.

This movie tries to be as bad as "Dinosaur Island" but only sucks as bad as "The Phantom Empire" The excuse for a plotline plods along, the acting is reminiscent of the 2 by 4 in the wall to my left, and the camera work isn't working at all, my etch-a-sketch showed more talent and innovation even when I left it untouched. The script tries to have a constant stream of jokes, but none of them hits the mark, not even the one they stole from "Leisure Suit Larry". The only good thing about this film is all the nekkid chicks, but we only see them for about 10 minutes altogether out of an hour and a half running time. The rest of the time is spent watching 3 total nerds do nerdish things. The 'plot' follows the 3 nerds that go to Hollywood to try and get their movie made, get shot down immediately and then decide to buy some hookers. The hookers turn out to be vampires and they spend the last hour running about trying to kill the nerds, who are of course trying to escape.

If you like the "So bad it's good" style of film making, then this film isn't for you. If you like genuinely good films, then this film isn't for you, either. Now if you into wasting your time with mind numbing drivel, then this is the perfect film for you.