Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

User Rating:

2.6/10   

Director:

Andy Sidaris

Writer (WGA):

Andy Sidaris (written by)

Release Date:

March 1987 (USA)

Genre:

Action

Tagline:

This Ain't No Hula!

Plot:

Two drug enforcement agents are killed on a private Hawaiian island. Donna and Taryn, two operatives for The Agency...

Plot Keywords:

Female Nudity | Second Part | Breasts | Psychotronic | Hawaii

Cast

Ronn Moss	...	Rowdy Abilene
Dona Speir	...	Donna Hamilton
Hope Marie Carlton	...	Taryn
Harold Diamond	...	Jade
Rodrigo Obregón	...	Seth Romero (as Rodrigo Obregon)
Cynthia Brimhall	...	Edy Stark
Patty Duffek	...	Pattycakes
Wolf Larson	...	J.J. Jackson
Lory Green	...	Rosie
Rustam Branaman	...	Kimo
David DeShay	...	Ashley
Michael A. Andrews	...	Michael / Michele (as Michael Andrews)
Kwan Hi Lim	...	Henry
Joseph Hieu	...	Bobby / Sumo Coach / Karate Villain
Peter Bromilow	...	Mr. Chang

Runtime:

96 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.33 : 1

Sound Mix:

Mono

Certification:

Iceland:16 | New Zealand:R18 | USA:Approved (PCA #26462) | Germany:BPjM Restricted

Filming Locations:

Kaluakoi Resort, Moloka'i, Hawaii, USA

Company:

Malibu Bay Films

Quotes:

Jade: My first wife used to mow the lawn stark naked.
Rowdy Abilene: What'd your neighbors say?
Jade: They said I married her for her money.
Rowdy Abilene: [laughs, pause] Did you?
[laughs]

Movie Connections:

Featured in "Joe Bob's Drive-In Theater: Aardvark Jubilee" (1995)

Soundtrack:

Hard Ticket

One word - OK, 2 words - LAME CHEESE!

This is the cheesiest file to ever grace the air waves! Cheese, cheese and MORE cheese! The ONLY reason this movie got made (and the others that followed!) is thanks to Ms. Spier's considerable weapons.... Other than that, there is not much reason to watch this movie (or its followers) unless it's to see Miss August, 1987 bounce about in her bikini and 6 inch pumps.....

Basic plot is just that - basic. Evil bad guy wants to take over the Hawaiian markets with drugs and diamonds. Add a killer snake to the mix (which was REALLY badly created!) and you've got a killer movie. NOT!

First off, lots of lame lines, lame action and lame 'near soft core' porn. The special effects (what there are of 'em) are cheesey and... Uh... LAME! The locations are - well, hey! It IS Hawaii, so its not lame. Hell, even the 'drag queen' double agent was lame! Now, honestly, how many of you watched this thing and DIDN'T know that Michelle was actually a MICHAEL? Again, LAME! So lame!

What had to be the most laughable aspect of the film, was the totally contrived scene with Donna and Rowdy - their 'sex' scene.... He looks like he's straight outta bad porn - especially with his fake moans and climax - and her acting wasn't much better. And, of course, isn't it always completely possible for two people to have sex when they're still wearing their underwear?!? Before, during and after, Donna and Rowdy are clothed.... Again, LAME!!!

OK. I think you may have gotten my point on this one - and the others made after it. But if you haven't, let me sum it up in one sentence: LAME, LAME, LAME, LAME, LAME, LAME, LAME, LAME AND LAME!