Cobra nero (1987)

User Rating:

4.0/10   

Director:

Stelvio Massi

Writer:

Danilo Massi (writer)

Genre:

Action

Tagline:

There's muscle in his venom and fire in his heart!

Plot:

A lone cop struggles to protect a female photographer from a gang of psychopathic bikers.

Plot Keywords:

Photographer | Maverick | Policeman | Detective | Standoff

Cast

Fred Williamson	...	Detective Robert Malone
Eva Grimaldi	...	Elys Trumbo
Bruno Bilotta	...	Bandit Leader (as Karl Landgren)
Maurice Poli	...	Chief Max Walker
Vassili Karis	...	Malone's Partner
Sabrina Siani	...	Walker's Daughter
Aldo Mengolini	...	Politician
Sabina Gaddi	...	Nurse
Laura Lancia	...	Girl
Gaetano Russo	...	Alan (as Ronald Russo)
Rita Bartolini	...	Model
Luciana Cirenei	...	Neighbour

Also Known As:

The Black Cobra

Runtime:

UK:85 min

Country:

Italy | USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Sound Mix:

Dolby

Certification:

UK:18

Quotes:

[first lines]
Detective Robert Malone: [on the police radio] Yeah, what is it?

Movie Connections:

Referenced in "Planet X: (#2.5)" (2006)

Not even "so bad it's good"

You gotta love those wacky Italian B-movie makers! They've never seen an idea they couldn't steal. In the case of 1987's "Cobra Nero" (a.k.a "Black Cobra"), the filmmakers obviously saw Sylvester Stallone's "Cobra" and thought "We can do that...way cheaper!" For those of you who may not remember Sly's "Cobra," Stallone played a rogue cop who played by his own set of rules, protecting a fashion model from a savage cult of murderous bikers. In "Black Cobra," former NFL star, malt liquor pitchman and 70s blaxploitation bad-ass Fred Williamson plays a rogue cop named Bob Malone (Malone = Stallone. Coincidence? I think not!) who plays by his own set of rules, protecting a fashion photographer from a savage gang of murderous bikers. You can just imagine the pitch meeting for this one. "See? She's a photographer, not a model. Totally different movie! And oh yeah, OUR guy is black!" "Black Cobra" is supposedly set in New York City (the film opens with stock footage of what appears to be Times Square, New York traffic, and the Brooklyn Bridge) but obviously the filmmakers are hoping that none of the audience has actually BEEN to America because after the opening all of the locations were quite obviously filmed in an Italian suburb. When we first meet our hero, Williamson goes "Dirty Harry" on a trio of bank robbers who are holding a group of hostages at a swimming pool. (?) When he's reprimanded by his superior officer for his lethal methods, Williamson snarls, "They were SCUM!" Anyway...oh hell, there's no point in describing this thing in depth. Fred Williamson sleepwalks through his part with a perpetual tough-guy snarl on his face (which I guess is supposed to suggest bad-assery, though it makes him look more like he's badly constipated), cigar clutched in his teeth, spouting off god-awful dialogue that was obviously written by an Italian who learned English from dime store crime novels and reruns of "Hunter." When Fashion Photographer Lady witnesses a gang of bikers murdering her next door neighbor for no apparent reason, she snaps a picture of their ringleader (a pretty boy with a gold tooth who looks about as threatening as Vanilla Ice), which makes her next on the gang's hit list. Williamson is assigned to protect her and they then spend the rest of the movie escaping constant attempts on their lives (via some of the cheesiest stunt work I've ever seen) before a final showdown in what appears to be a junk yard. During this scene Williamson delivers a gun-point speech to one of the bad guys that's such a blatant steal from Dirty Harry's famed "Do you feel lucky, punk?" that Clint would probably have sued the filmmakers into oblivion if anybody had bothered to bring it to his attention! As you might expect from an Italian production, character development is next to nothing in "Black Cobra." They try to give Williamson's character some kind of background when his partner fills Fashion Photographer Lady in on Malone's unhappy childhood and his tour in Vietnam, but the bad guys in this movie are total cartoon characters. I don't remember exactly what the motivation was for the villains in Stallone's "Cobra" but I vaguely remember that they had some sort of evil master plan in mind. In "Black Cobra" the bikers just drive around seemingly at random, apparently killing people whenever they get bored. I mean, they're not even TRYING to give them any motivation. The filmmakers obviously don't care why the bikers are bad, so why should we? Seriously, "Cobra" may not have been one of Sly's finest films, but compared to this Z-grade "homage" it might as well be "Citizen Kane." Amazingly enough, enough Italian action junkies must've paid to see "Black Cobra" because Williamson reprised the Malone character in two sequels! (I have "Black Cobra I and II" together on a double feature DVD that I picked up at the dollar store... watch for my review of "II" sometime before the universe implodes.) Though I love schlock as much as the next guy, by the middle of this one I was starting to nod off, so I would only recommend this film to people with perpetual insomnia.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, the malt liquor that Fred Williamson pitched on TV for a while back in the 80s was ... King Kobra. Again, coincidence? I think not.