Memorable quotes for
"L.A. Law" (1986) More at IMDbPro »

Michael Kuzak: That's because I've never had anything this responsive underneath me.

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Michael Kuzak: [Kuzak walks in on Kelsey and Markowitz during a romantic encounter] Stuart? Ann?
Ann Kelsey: Yes, it's Stuart and Ann! We're fine. Now leave!
[Kuzak leaves and Sifuentes sticks his head in the door]
Victor Sifuentes: You guys okay? Need anything?
Ann Kelsey: We're fine, Victor! Now leave!

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Leland McKenzie: [settling an argument during a staff meeting] It's time you people remember whose name is at the top of the letterhead!

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[Leland has received a Christmas card from Rosalyn six months after her fatal accident]
Leland McKenzie: Look at this. A Christmas card from Rosalyn.
Grace Van Owen: You know, Leland; she probably had them sent out by a service and no one thought to notify them that she was dead.
Leland McKenzie: I guess you're right; a Christmas card from the grave.
[starts laughing]
Grace Van Owen: One thing you can say about Rosalyn, she sure knew how to network.

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Rhonda Vasek: I think I hate your wife.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: You've met her?
Rhonda Vasek: No, I'm just jealous of her.

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Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I remember when we were first starting out, this'll sound silly, I used to make popcorn for us and we'd lie in bed till all hours watching old movies on tv. Now she says the salt make her retain water.
Rhonda Vasek: I have a popcorn popper but I've never even taken it out the box. I don't even know if it works.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: All you have to do is plug it in, I could show you.
Rhonda Vasek: Would you, would you show me how to pop my corn.
Douglas Brackman, Jr.: Lets go, now!

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Douglas Brackman, Jr.: I'm more like my father than I thought. I wanted to be the lawyer he was, the man he was. Turns out we both just like to cheat on our wives.

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Stuart Markowitz: Don't underestimate me, I'm amazing with mums. When I was at High School all of them had crushes on me, it was the daughters I had trouble with.

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Ann Kelsey: You thought you could buy me off with a few trinkets?
Stuart Markowitz: Yes.

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