Jack Pumpkinhead:
If his brain's ran down, how can he talk?
Dorothy:
It happens to people all the time, Jack.
Gump:
If I had a stomach, I *know* I would be sick!
[
regarding headless statues]
Dorothy:
Look, Billina, these ones have lost their heads.
Billina:
Now, that's what I call just plain carelessness
Billina:
What is this, a man or a melon?
Jack Pumpkinhead:
A pumpkin, if you please.
Billina:
We come all this way to see a bunch a stiffs.
Mombi III:
Not beautiful you understand, but you have a certain prettiness, different from my other heads. I believe I'll lock you in the tower for a few years until your head is ready. And then I'll take it.
Dorothy:
I believe you will NOT!
Billina:
Some place for a chicken coop! How big is this pond anyway?
Dorothy:
I don't think it's a pond, Billina. When did you learn to talk anyway? I thought hens could only cluck and cackle.
Billina:
Strange, ain't it? How's my grammar?
Nurse Wilson:
Lie down.
Dorothy:
I'd like to sit up, if I may.
Nurse Wilson:
What did your aunt tell you?
Dorothy:
To do what you told me, Miss Wilson.
Nurse Wilson:
Then, lie down.
[
the attendants are strapping Dorothy to the stretcher]
Dorothy:
Why do you have to tie me down?
Nurse Wilson:
So that you don't fall off.
Dorothy:
I came all the way from the farm on a buggy and I didn't fall off.
[
They start to wheel Dorothy down the hall]
Dorothy:
Did I hear somebody scream earlier?
Nurse Wilson:
No.
[
They wheel Dorothy through some double doors. Dr. Worley is adjusting his machine]
Dr. J.B. Worley:
Hello, Dorothy. How are you?
Dorothy:
I wish I wasn't tied down.
Ozma:
Why did they bring you here, Dorothy?
Dorothy:
Because I can't sleep, and I talk about a place that I've been to, but nobody believes that it exists.
Dr. J.B. Worley:
And how did you come back from... Oz?
Dorothy:
With my ruby slippers.
Dr. J.B. Worley:
How did they work?
Dorothy:
You put them on and you click your heels three times, and you say "There's no place like home".
Dr. J.B. Worley:
Dorothy, where are those slippers now?
Dorothy:
I lost them. They fell off on the way back.
The Nome King:
There's no place like home.
Dorothy:
This is the old house! The one the tornado blew away. This is how I got into Oz the first time. That used to be my bedroom, and in there was the kitchen... And that's where I landed on the Wicked Witch of the East. But where all the munchkins?
Dorothy:
Oh no...
Billina:
That's just a yellow brick.
Dorothy:
No, Billina. This was the yellow brick road. It leads to the Emerald City!
Dorothy:
You're so beautiful. What's your name?
Ozma:
Ozma.
Jack Pumpkinhead:
MOM! My *real* mom!
[
he faints into the crowd]
Tik-Tok:
I have always valued my lifelessness.
Lead Wheeler:
You'll be sorry for treating me like this! I'm a TERRIBLE fierce person!
Nome:
Your Majesty! SHE has returned to Oz!
The Nome King:
Good, good. Keep an eye on her.
Nome:
[
the Nome pauses, hesitant]
The Nome King:
Well, what's the matter? What is it?
Nome:
She has a... chicken with her.
The Nome King:
A CHICKEN?
The Nome King:
Don't you know that eggs are poison?
Billina:
Poison, indeed!
The Nome King:
Poison... poison to... nomes.
Jack Pumpkinhead:
[
Dorothy, Tik Tok, Bellina and Jack are all flying on the Gump] Mr Gump, can't you fly any faster?
Gump:
Not unless one of you wants to jump off.
Tik-Tok:
These Wheelers can be tricky customers.
Lead Wheeler:
Come here... chicken!
The Nome King:
Why doesn't the sofa go first.
Gump:
But I don't have anything to touch with.
The Nome King:
You can use your antlers.
Gump:
I should have quit when I was a head.
Jack Pumpkinhead:
[
the trio are assembling the Gump together, but Tik-Tok's brains are running down] Here's a broom Tik-Tok, it'll make a great tail.
Tik-Tok:
Excellent. Now we must Gump the head at the front, and tie Jack's feet together.
Jack Pumpkinhead:
Right. Tie my feet together
[
Jack does so]
Tik-Tok:
Bring that mantlepiece to the desk, and then annoint the palms!
Jack Pumpkinhead:
Right, annoint the-
[
Jack falls due to his feet being tied]
Tik-Tok:
That is right Jack. Left, right, wrong.
Jack Pumpkinhead:
What are you talking about Tik-Tok?
Tik-Tok:
Little girl, squaking eggs, make chicken fly the coop.
Billina:
Coop?
Lead Wheeler:
You have to come out sooner or later. And when you do, we'll tear you into little pieces and throw you in the deadly desert!
Dorothy:
I haven't done anything to you.
Lead Wheeler:
Isn't that a stolen lunch-pale in your hand? Isn't that a chicken in there with you? The Nome King doesn't allow chickens anywhere in Oz!
Dorothy:
Who'se the Nome King?
Lead Wheeler:
...Who'se the Nome King?
[
laughs hysterically]
Gump:
The last thing I remember is walking through the forest and hearing a loud noise. Now, here I am flying through the air. What am I anyway?
Dorothy:
You're a... a thing, with a Gump's head on it. We built you and brought you to life so you can take us to the Nome King; to rescue the Scarecrow.
Lead Wheeler:
Please, let me go. Please, please, let me go. Pleeaase, let me go! Let me go!
Dorothy:
All right Tik Tok, let him go.
Tik-Tok:
[
to Wheeler] Behave yourself now!
Lead Wheeler:
I WILL behave! I'll-I'll behave!
[
Tik Tok lets him go]
Lead Wheeler:
[
Wheeler laughs] Behave!
[
skates away]
Lead Wheeler:
[
laughing] Behave... I'll be... - ohhps!
[
falls]
Lead Wheeler:
[
laughing] YOU BEHAVE!
[
laughing]
Nome:
...there's no sign of the CHICKEN!
Dorothy:
Patented Clockwork Mechanical Man. Does everything but live. For Thinking, wind number 1 under left arm. For Speaking, wind number 2 under right arm. For Walking & Action, wind number 3, middle of back. Guaranteed to work perfectly for a thousand years.
Billina:
Aww, you don't believe that do ya?
Dorothy:
I don't know. I'll wind him up and we'll see.
Nurse Wilson:
[
as Mombi] ... Doooorothy Gaaale!
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