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The Nail Gun Massacre (1985)

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32 comments in total

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6 out of 7 people found the following comment useful :-
Nailed in the junk . . ., 15 October 2002
Author: ShellyShock

I have a special place in my heart for films such as this one, that place deep within me that embraces the horrible, terrible stupidity of low budget gore. If you share my love then, you will love Nail Gun Massacre, one of the only films made in Puerto Rico I have ever seen outside of sick pornography and made-for-TV movies. Most of the time the dialogue is barely audible, stifled by the inappropriate soundtrack or from the sound man (if there even was one) being too far from the characters. Luckily this movie does not rely on such paltry elements such as plot and writing. The plot (?) involves a rape of a local woman by construction workers and a mysterious killer seeking revenge with, you guessed it, a nail gun. As a special treat, the movie has a surprise ending of the true identity of the killer. If you can follow the events, you can probably pick out who could possibly be committing these murders from the three characters that are not busy getting nailed to the highway. Watch this movie if you don't really care about anything except the occasional crotch nailing and are willing to hit the fast forward button.

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7 out of 9 people found the following comment useful :-
has to be seen to be believed..., 12 November 2000
Author: mcfly-31 from anaheim, ca

A nice little independent film from Texas? Not even close. Some guy named Terry Lofton wrote the story, screenplay, also directed and even had a bit part in his little movie, about an embittered construction worker who goes around with the title weapon, blasting people who raped a woman in opening moments of the film. The killings should provide you with the best laughs of your life. The gun makes some sort of machine gun noise, and we always see the nails AFTER they have entered the victim's body, never flying thru the air and then hitting them. One dude takes one in the privates, a couple girls get them in the boobs and at one point, two girls, who appear to be walking on a country road in an abondoned area somewhere in another city, show up for the purpose of being pierced. If this was a major motion picture, it might be called a revenge melodrama, but it is in fact a super low budget slasher pic. It contains everything a bottom of the barrell film should: shoddy effects, bad (oops, horrible) acting, awful lighting and an ultra annoying music score that sounds like a keyboard chuckling. But the one saving grace, the killer is hilarious! He's a Freddy Krueger type, cackling wisecracks before doing in his victims. He also doesn't wear the usual psycho garb, as he's decked out in camoflauge and dark helmet, with an oxygen tank in back. Check it out for that sole reason. Be warned though, that the film moves incredibly, agonizingly slow when he's not on screen. When there aren't people getting nailed, we get talky, yawn-a-minute exchanges between cast members. So long, that you'll be glad when they get gunned down. Another problem would be obtaining the film itself, it's a pretty rare find. I bumped into it at a Blockbuster in a little San Diego suburb called Rancho Penasquitos and have yet to come across it again. With all the films' flaws the worst one is that awful acting. It's as if this Lofton guy went around asking his friends "hey, wanna be in my movie??" Even the nude babes are annoying, the first girl with the whitest breasts ever seen, the last girl being VERY impressive. I'd expect a number of sequels if this were a big budget pic, but 15 years later, there has been no follow up to the self proclaimed "penetrating love story".

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5 out of 6 people found the following comment useful :-
A shockingly bad mega-low budget slasher., 28 July 2007

Author: ba.harrison from Hampshire, England

Power-tools and tits: a classic combination of horror movie ingredients that, as far as I'm concerned, almost always guarantees a good time (I know, I know... I'm easily pleased). However, there are always exceptions to prove the rule, and, despite plenty of bare breasts and much DIY-appliance based violence, The Nail Gun Massacre bored the hell out of me.

Ineptly directed, poorly scripted and badly acted, this dreadful slasher-style effort sees a mysterious killer seeking revenge for a gang rape by using the titular tool to commit a series of murders. Looking laughable, rather than menacing, in a fetching camouflage jumpsuit and black motor-cycle helmet, our maniac somehow manages to stalk their prey unseen, before blasting them with a volley of nails. And for some inexplicable reason, the psycho also opts to talk in a strange, electronically modified Darth Vader style voice, making them seem even more absurd.

The cast recite their awful dialogue displaying zero acting ability, whilst co-directors Terry Lofton and Bill Leslie display a complete lack of skill behind the camera. Throw in some unconvincing and rather weak gore (let's face it, nails don't make a lot of mess: small puncture wounds with a trickle of blood), and what you have is an amateurish production that completely fails to capitalise on its sensational title.

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3 out of 3 people found the following comment useful :-
A classic, 15 October 2001

Author: (plantostickthat@hotmail.com) from canberra, australia

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

This movie was great. Even just looking at the box, you know you have a winner, with two (thats right TWO) awful jokes on the front.

This movie has it all - thats right, the director even put in some porn scenes, so everybody is happy!! The soundtrack consists of, 1 song and the killer doing the evil laugh. This one song is reused over and over - everytime somebody turns the radio on, there it is!! The song itself is just Jimi Hendrix's Voodoo Child, but cleverly disguised (it sounds the same but with keyboards instead of guitars). The story is ridiculous (a killer on the loose with a nail gun, and thats it), but the director does try to add a mystery into the movie. If you don't solve it, you are stupid (sorry, but its true), but there was a clever way they covered it up - use different stunt doubles!! This way, the director has achieved nothing except to confuse the audience - well done!

The acting is horrible, and the movie is jam packed with flaws. My favourites were the dead man balancing himself out, and particularly the final death scene. I suppose this would count as a ******SPOILER****** (or am I just paranoid about getting banned?) but it wouldn't really spoil the movie. When the bad guy falls to his doom, it is obvious he landed on a mattress, because his foot flies back into the picture. Next cut of the camera, he is stuck feet first into the ground. A classic moment.

To sum up - great for a laugh, unless you get offended by pointless porn scenes or horrible movies.

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3 out of 3 people found the following comment useful :-
It's Cheap Alright.., 20 November 1998
Author: -6 from 8%

Just on the off-chance that anyone might be actually looking for a review for this hideous, wretched little movie, here it is. This movie was made on a budget that couldn't have realistically exceeded $300.00. Seriously. Hershey's syrup gore, rubber nails, cheap, synthy music at the most inappropriate of times, and so much more. The very beginning of this film treats us to what has to be the world's least realistic rape scene ever. (and I am by no means an advocate for rape, but this was just silly) From there, the Nail Gun killer (portrayed masterfully on the box's hand-drawn cover as a guy with his crotch hiked up to comical proportions), a nasty little guy decked out in what appears to be a biker helmet held together with duck tape, some camoflage, and a nail gun with a big, yellow curly-cord which kinda defeats the purpose of camo if you've got a big yellow cord hanging off your back.. proceeds to "slaughter" some backwoods morons, nails a man in the crotch, (who just moans and groans, sort of like Al Johnson from the band U.S. Maple. I'm pretty sure I'd do more than just a little bit of whining if somebody nailed my equipment point-blank) and goes around saying witty things like, "Nailed ya," or something stupid like that. Oh yeah, he drives around an inconspicuous GOLD Herze, too. You see this same Herze parked at a shop where the soon (but not soon enough, as the film proceeds for another 90 minutes)-to-be-revealed killer works, so I guess the filmmakers wanted the viewer to use their deductive reasoning skills. I kinda wish I'd have used my deductive reasoning skills and not wasted $1.08 on this trash.

Also worth mentioning: the killer's voice (they ran it through a synthesizer to make it sound deep and scary. that, and he laughs a lot. mwa ha ha! kinda like that) the killer's running ability (not suprisingly, the killer's stunt doubles were all women. while watching it I'd figured the person actually running in the killer's costume was a 12 year old boy.) the gratuitous, skanky t&a (lots of that good old fashioned 80's skank, too. huge hair, make-up applied 3 & 4 layers at a time, tan lines.. bliss) and finally, the old man (I don't know who this old coot was or where director Terry "T.L." Lofton found him, but god love him he was the best thing in the movie.) There is so much more to this horrible movie that I can't spoil (or can't remember because I've blocked it out of my mind) for you so it's definitely recommended if you're looking for a bad time.

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5 out of 7 people found the following comment useful :-
Hurrah for boobies!, 25 April 2006

Author: Tikkin from United Kingdom

Every horror collector worth their salt will at least have heard of The Nail Gun Massacre. It's such a tempting title isn't it? I finally gave in and bought the special edition DVD. This film is one big mess from start to finish, but you already knew that. The most interesting thing in it was breasts, big huge breasts at that! One woman has breasts so big that they're all you (and the cameraman) can focus on. The biggest problem with Nail Gun Massacre is that you can't really hear what anyone is saying, making it hard to follow. Every time someone speaks there's a horrible noise that sounds like a passing train. Perhaps this was to cover the bad acting? If anything they should have removed it and let the actors do their thing, no matter how untalented they are. At least we can laugh at them then! The sound is atrocious, half the time the background noise is louder than what people are saying. You also can't hear the supposedly "funny" lines from the killer, as the voice is too distorted.

It does have it's good moments though. You can't help but laugh at such an inept film, with scenes such as a couple 'doing it' against a tree, where all you can see is the mans white ass jiggling around. The best part for me was when the killer says to the big breasted woman: "Get inside, big tits!" And there's another hilarious scene where a woman gets hysterical and says "I'm gonna die, I know I'm gonna die!" I would say the film was worth watching just for those two scenes!

For a low budget "so bad it's good" film, The Nail Gun Massacre is nothing special. There's other low budget films that are much funnier such as The Suckling and They Don't Cut The Grass Anymore (the acting is worse than Nail Gun Massacre, yet more hilarious).

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2 out of 2 people found the following comment useful :-
One of the most poorly made movies of all time but..., 2 December 1999

Author: scocp from Chicago

Nail gun Massacre is one of the most poorly made movies of all time but, it is incredible funny. If you can get a copy I recommend you see it ONLY IF YOUR IN THE MOOD FOR FUNNY A "B"...no "D" RATE FILM. I surely hope anyone who rents this movie will be looking for sheer terror, but with a name like Nail gun Massacre I'm sure your not. Some hilarious thing to look for are: Man moving after being killed on a BBQ Woman's foot thrown in the air after she plunges to her death in the end of the film Man being "nailed" to the highway Radio song being played in a car twice in a row

Don't forget to have fun!

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3 out of 4 people found the following comment useful :-
Dumb and sleazy grindhouse rape/revenge slasher, 1 May 2006

Author: Scott-from-Modesto (andrea_yates_clogged_drain@comcast.net) from United States

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

If stupid and sleazy's how ya likes 'em, gobble up Nail Gun Massacre. It is a z-grade rape/revenge-slasher flick boasting frequent titty shots and sh!tty nail wound effects. Think of a movie such as The Toolbox Murders or Don't Go In The House wherein the killer uses a gimmick weapon. Got one? Good. Now shrink the budget of this movie you're thinking of down to $900 and release it when no grindhouse piece of crap like it would ever get any real success and you'll get an idea of why Nail Gun Massacre doesn't really ring any bells from your distant past.

Terry Lofton directed this freshly-pinched loaf and there's not too much to say about it except that it sucks and has waaaaaaay too much filler and is gay.

That said, you will definitely find something to enjoy in this film if you are baked. The dialogue and plot are adequate to make you giggle and there are lots of boobs to keep your eyes from sliding off the screen and fixating on an ant or ferris wheel if you are as easily distracted as I am. 6.5/10. Watch it toasted.

PS-a guy's dong is shown in this.

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2 out of 3 people found the following comment useful :-
* * * out of 4, 3 January 2008
Author: Classics_And_Horror from Review Land

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

As the town is known for a shocking murder, Sheriff Thomas, (Ron Queen) finds that a spate of murders in town have suddenly occurred. As this has never happened in the town before, he sets out to find out what's going on. As the murders continue, he realizes that the killer is a psycho wearing a black biker outfit and goes out wit a nail gun as a mode of death. When the body count rises even more in the community, he turns to his friend Doc James, (Rocky Patterson) to help him out with solving the elusive case. When most of the deaths seem to have come from a rape case reported years ago with the reported participants becoming the victims in the spree. Using this as a clue, they race to the surviving participants to protect them from the maniacal killer.

With some really sleazy parts to enjoy about it and a couple of really easy-to-spot flaws, this one here is certainly watchable. This is really recommended to the more exploitative-minded out there, as well as slasher fans, while those who despise low-budgets won't find a lot here.

Rated R for Extreme Graphic Violence, Nudity, Sexual Situations, Profanity and Rape.

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2 out of 3 people found the following comment useful :-
One man's trash...is another man's trash, but he likes it anyway., 15 January 2001
Author: mulletsrthebest

This is hands down one of the best crap films of all time, if for nothing else than one line of dialogue, impeccably delivered by the nail gun killer himself. After finding and disposing of a young couple making out (or something like that, its been a while since I've seen it) the killer dishes out this line: "That was some love story. I put an end to that love story." Pure gold.

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