Mabel:
The body's an eight, the brain's a ten, so let's go.
Mabel:
You poor thing. Pirates! You mean like walking the plank? Buried treasure? Hack, slash, off with his head, and the Jolly Richard, and everything?
Frederic:
Roger.
Mabel:
Oh, Roger I love it.
Frederic:
No, Frederic without a "k."
Mabel:
Mabel, also without a "k." God, we have so much in common.
Mabel:
You'll be hung!
The Pirate King:
Oh I am, I am, and very well thank you.
The Pirate King:
What's the age of consent around here?
Mabel:
Eighteen.
The Pirate King:
Good! I'm old enough.
Frederic:
Oh I love you. I'll always love you, come what may.
Mabel:
"Come what may"? We'll all be murdered in our beds come what may.
Frederic:
Well run. For God's sake run!
Mabel:
Death before dishonor. Besides, have you tried running in one of these things? It's a real bitch.
[
Mabel comes in and finds Frederic laying in a coffin]
Mabel:
Frederic, what are you doing?
Frederic:
Oh, hiding.
Mabel:
My Frederic, hiding? It cannot be the lion-heart troubles at the coming conflict. My love - a wimp!
Frederic:
No, Mabel. A terrible disclosure's just been made.
Mabel:
Then zip it up!
[
the Pirate King has just cornered Frederick in their swordfight, the Pirate King has his sword pointed between Frederick's legs]
The Pirate King:
Drop it, or...
Frederic:
*Nuts*!
The Pirate King:
Them, too!
Frederic:
[
sitting rubbing his back as a horse runs off] Ohhh! Oww! Ouch! Well I've been at sea since I was one, how the hell would I know how to ride a horse?
Mabel:
Frederic, you're not gay, are you?
Frederic:
[
high voice] No!
[
clears throat and in a lower voice]
Frederic:
No.
Mabel:
The way you and the Pirate King get around in those rather feminine, pleated shirts and all that leather.
Frederic:
Mabel!
Mabel:
Hey! I'm not prejudiced. I mean, what does this country got a navy for? Screw 'em if they can't take a joke!
Frederic:
You're weird.
Mabel:
All kidding aside, tell me this. Are you a virgin?
Frederic:
I don't know.
Mabel:
Near enough.
Mabel:
Frederic, these are the 1880s. You can't live your life by the outmoded conventions of a neo-imperialist society. Find your true center!
Frederic:
What? You mean Zen piracy?
Mabel:
[
unlaces her shirt and pulls it down to show her corset] Frederic, have you ever worn a whalebone corset? Well no, we established that, didn't we? It chokes and strangles, Frederic! I won't be choked and strangled by someone else's dumb ideas of custom and duty!
[
to stone statue]
Mabel:
Would you Harry, would you?
[
to Frederic]
Mabel:
Never to know the rich and real, wondrous person beating and throbbing inside me. Frederic, can you see me throbbing?
Frederic:
I see! I see! I'm throbbing too!
Frederic:
[
moments after meeting for the first time] Look, I know this is going to sound silly, but I think I love you. I think I might even want to marry you.
Mabel:
God, that was a short love scene!
Frederic:
[
scaring off Mabel's sisters and making them drop their flowers] I'm sorry! I didn't mean to deflower you!
Ruth:
By the way, was that a definite no back there?
Frederic:
Ruth, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but tell me honestly. Now, compared to other women, are you beautiful?
Ruth:
Oh, I've been told so.
Frederic:
Ah, but lately?
Ruth:
Yes, by Sam. 'Course, he was drunk.
Major-General:
Man, I'm older than the Beatles, but I'm younger than the Rolling Stones!
Mabel:
[
song] If you're treadin' water and romance is on the slide/Don't you know you have to swallow somethin' more than water... it's your pride/Ah ha, a-huff and puff/Just to keep love goin'/A-ha, I've had enough/Of pumpin' and a-blowin'
Soundtrack Chorus:
[
song] Keep pumpin', blowin'/Keep pumpin', blowin'
Samuel:
[
doorbell rings] Avon calling!
The Pirate King:
Away to the ship and hoist up that chain doodad!
Samuel:
Anchor, sir?
The Pirate King:
No, Sam. Just disappointment.
Major-General:
Damn cheek! With women leading our armies we'll never have a good war again.
Mabel:
So true! So true.
Sergeant:
[
with heavy French accent] Name of the fugitive?
Mabel:
[
struggling to understand] Fyoog tiv?
Sergeant:
[
frustrated] Fugitive! F - U -
Mabel:
Up yours, too, Froggy! ...Oh! *Fugitive!* His name's Fredric - without a 'k.' And he's got a horse - I mean a nurse, her name's Ruth and...listen, why don't you just follow me to the castle?
Frederic:
Lately I've been restless. I've been consumed by some... inner fire, and all I think about are girls.
Ruth:
[
Grabbing onto Frederic] I've waited 20 years for this!
The Pirate King:
[
Pulling Ruth off of Frederic] The sea, Frederic, is a jealous mistress. But she is her own reward. Believe me, you've missed nothing.
The Pirate King:
[
to other pirates] Tell him men, have you missed anything these 20 years at sea?
Other pirates:
[
Yelling in unison] SEX!
Related Links
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