Private Lessons (1981)

User Rating:

4.8/10   

Director:

Alan Myerson

Writer:

Dan Greenburg (writer)

Release Date:

26 August 1981 (USA)

Genre:

Comedy

Tagline:

When EMANUELLE's Sylvia Kristel is your teacher the bedroom is the classroom [DVD Australia]

Plot:

An immigrant housemaid seduces a 15-year-old boy and later fakes her own death as part of his chauffeur's blackmail plot. Troubles arise when the two start to fall in love.

Plot Keywords:

Chauffeur | Blackmail | Sex | Boy | Love

Cast

Sylvia Kristel	...	Nicole Mallow
Howard Hesseman	...	Lester Lewis
Eric Brown	...	Phillip Fillmore
Meridith Baer	...	Miss Phipps
Pamela Jean Bryant	...	Joyce
Peter Elbling	...	Waiter
Patrick Piccininni	...	Sherman
Ed Begley Jr.	...	Jack Travis
Ron Foster	...	Mr. Fillmore
Dan Barrows	...	Green, The Gardener
Marian Gibson	...	Florence
Judy Helden	...	Miss Kristel's Double
Dan Greenburg	...	Hotel Owner

Runtime:

87 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Sound Mix:

Dolby

Certification:

Iceland:12 | Australia:(Banned) (original rating) | Australia:R (cut) | Australia:R (2006 re-rating) (uncut) | Norway:16 | Finland:K-16 | France:-12 | UK:18 (cut) | USA:R

Filming Locations:

Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA

Company:

Barry Enright Film

Trivia:

The trailers and commercials for this film were narrated by Jay Stewart, the TV game show announcer who at the time was working for Barry-Enright Productions, producers of this movie.

Goofs:

Crew or equipment visible: After Nicole tells Philly to close the door to her room but before she sits down on the bed, a crew member can be seen pulling something out of the way beyond the door.

Movie Connections:

Edited into Twisted Sex Vol. 23 (2007) (V)

Soundtrack:

Hot Legs

If older women make beautiful lovers, then how come there aren't more Nicole Mallows?!

"Private Lessons" isn't astonishingly bad... if you can look at it from the standpoint of it being a cheap adolescent thrill on late-night "Skin-emax" or any other premium station du jour. I'm mostly fine with plots involving taboo; even the "Onegai" series of anime doesn't phase me. But I will say this: the one and only reason anyone should feel compelled to watch this movie is to see the rather hot (back then anyway) Sylvia Kristel in the nude. It does have a cute premise, but it's never done much justice due to all of the amateurish writing and pacing.

Eric Brown is Phillip Fillmore (Philly Philly??), a 15-year-old kid with hormones gone berserk. In other words, he's pretty damn average. His deadbeat dad has left on a... business trip (wink wink nudge nudge) and has left Philly back home with his recently arrived immigrant housekeeper Nicole Mallow (Kristel) and sleazy chauffeur Lester (Howard Hesseman). Seems Philly's got the hots for Nicole, and Lester takes advantage of this, persuading Nicole to fake her own death at the hands (or loins) of the boy so he can make off with Philly's money like a bandit. But Nicole switches around mid-plot, deciding instead to help stop Lester's Half-Baked Evil Scheme™. Cue several slapstick hijinks culminating in a final sex scene and serve.

Obviously, you don't watch movies like this for plots, no matter how inane and far-fetched they may be; you watch them to get sprung. Alas, this was back in the early eighties, and unless you had a big name and/or a lot of cash to burn, your film was almost destined to rot in film quality hell. Such seems to have been the case with "Private Lessons," and the fact that it is billed as a comedy rather than an adult movie bewilders me to no end. Even with the nudity, the filmography is agonizing to watch, but since this was probably produced as a "quick buck" teen-pleaser, that's not surprising. Panning shots of Kristel fondling or teasing Brown while the kid makes goofy, unrealistic "shocked and amazed" expressions are about as dynamic as this thing gets.

I should also mention that the character of Philly's chubby friend (Patrick Piccininni) is simply the most irritating part of the movie in my opinion. Some people have commented that this character, who comes across as being doomed to remain a virgin for the rest of his life, is rather cute in his behavior, and I fail to see how they arrive at that judgment... as if one gawking teenage boy wasn't enough. Hesseman's character is strictly porno-level, period, end of story. Even Dan Greenburg, the author of the book this film is based on, had the ego to have a bit role as the hotel owner, even going so far as to appear fully credited in the "profile" shots of the cast during the closing credits!

It's hard to recommend "Private Lessons" for any other reason than the aforementioned Ms. Kristel and the fact that it is better than most soft-porn out there. Aside from these aspects, it's downright mediocre.