Don't Go Near the Park (1981)

User Rating:

3.3/10   

Director:

Lawrence D. Foldes

Writers:

Linwood Chase (writer)
Lawrence D. Foldes (writer)

Genre:

Fantasy | Horror

Tagline:

It's the last place you'll ever play!

Plot:

Runaways are attacked by evil beings from the far past.

Plot Keywords:

Tribe | Eternal Youth | Evil | Ritual | Cannibalism

Cast

Aldo Ray	...	Taft
Meeno Peluce	...	Nick
Tamara Taylor	...	Bondi
Barbara Bain	...	Patty / Tra / Griffith's Wife / Petranella (as Barbara Monker)
Crackers Phinn	...	Mark / Gar
Linnea Quigley	...	Bondi's Mother
Chris Riley	...	Cowboy
Lara Morann	...	Bondi at 8 Years
Earl Statler	...	Griffith
Cambra Foldes	...	Patty's Victim
K.L. Garber	...	Nick's Mother
David Ariniello	...	Boy Fishing
Steven Lovy	...	Mugger
Janet Giglio	...	Runaway Girl
Doug White	...	Spanish Priest

Also Known As:

Curse of the Living Dead
Nightstalker
Sanctuary for Evil (USA) (alternative title)

Runtime:

Australia:80 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Aspect Ratio:

1.85 : 1

Sound Mix:

Mono

Certification:

Canada:(Banned) (Ontario) | Australia:R | UK:18 | USA:R (edited for re-rating)

Filming Locations:

Bronson Caves, Bronson Canyon, Griffith Park - 4730 Crystal Springs Drive, Los Angeles, California, USA

Company:

Star Entertainment Group Inc.

A Truly Great Motion Picture ...

... If all you look for in a motion picture is people getting their stomachs ripped open and their hearts eaten !

Hey you don't honestly think I was gonna give DON'T GO NEAR THE PARK a good write up do you ? How on earth can anyone enjoy a movie which comes in a video box with a blood drenched man guzzling a human heart on its cover ? And before you ask It wasn't me who chose this from the video store many years ago

The story ( for want of a better word ) starts with a supernatural being who looks like David Copperfield feasting upon human hearts centuries ago . Cut to the present day he seduces a young blonde who then gives birth to a daughter called Bondi . Not only is he a terrible gourmet but he seems to have an obessesion with Australian beaches . Bondi leaves home due to her mother's jealousy due to her father's love :

" Gold . You never f***in' gave me gold "

which seems to give the movie an angle of teenage angst . Of course this is obviously coincidental because it's safe to say that no one working on this production will have ever heard of a sophisticated word like angst , I mean a script that has lines like " If you want to be my brother stop feeling me up . Brothers don't feel up sisters " is not very sophisticated

Strange that all the reviewers on this page have never gone into detail about the plot of DON'T GO NEAR THE PARK and from memory I'm having a lot of problems trying to remember what the plot was . I could tell you what happens but I don't want to spoil your enjoyment* and just like in an overblown James Bond movie lots of things may happen in the narrative but that doesn't necessarly mean the film has a plot , more of a rambling set of scenes with someone getting killed every few minutes

* That's a joke by the way . There's nothing to enjoy about this crap