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Any horror movie that features the death of two young children – albeit taking place largely off screen – within the first five minutes can't be completely worthless in my humble opinion. Still, another five minutes and the world's most pathetic Cobra catch later, you might start fearing that "Rattles" may be worthless after all. Somewhere in the South- Western desert a bunch of rattle snakes attacked and painfully killed two young boys who were out on vacation with their parents. Since this was already the second deadly snake-related incident in the area in a short period, the local sheriff calls upon the help of Los Angeles university professor and snake-expert Tom Parkinson. Well, he may know a thing or two about slithering serpents, but he's also one of the worst actors I've ever seen in my life! The number of animal and human deaths caused by venomous snake bites alarmingly increases and our dreadful professor, along with a sexy female photographer, heads out into the desert to investigate. "Rattlers" is a very rudimentary type of 70's eco-horror feature. Every character that gets introduced, apart from the main ones of course, exclusively serves as snake bait and to get killed in imaginative settings, like a bathtub or an airplane cockpit. There's not a whole lot of suspense and the terrible acting performances are infuriating, but at least the script is never too boring. Quite the contrary, it is way too silly and nonsensical to be boring! The film doesn't really bother to explain in detail why the rattle snakes all of a sudden became so aggressive and bloodthirsty, but maybe that's because the professor is a bonehead who prefers to take his photographer out on a date in Vegas (during a tremendously hilarious let's-fall-in-love compilation) while they should be researching! Oh well, it's a cheap 70's creature-feature, so it's bound to have something to do with a military experiment gone wayward. Some other interesting things I've learned from watching this film is that snakes can apparently bite through the moving tires of a jeep! How about that! Oh, and I also learned that it's perfectly okay for drunken army medics to make extremely sexist remarks against liberated photographers.
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