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22 out of 26 people found the following comment useful :- Wow, just...wow. What the hell is going on here?!?!?, 10 September 2005 Author: lemon_magic from Wavy Wheat, Nebraska
Bob likes to fly jet fighters. His father the general thinks that Bob should fly bombers instead. But Bob just wants to fly fighters. Meanwhile, an Iowa farm-girl sets Bob's loins aflame with her lusty descriptions of detasseling corn in the summer, and they fall in love because "you are so the only person of the opposite sex around here." Dekalb Debbie promises to wait for Bob, and he ships out to Europe. Take out all the refueling and training footage, and there you have "Starfighters". My own particular theory about "Starfighters" is that it was a vanity production for Bob Dornan. But no one could be bothered to write an actual screenplay for this vanity production. And there was only room in the budget for 20 minutes of actual filming. So they made a little mini-feature called "Bob Dornan, Boy Fighter Pilot", which consisted of nothing but set shots of Bob and his buddies standing around jawing about how cool jet fighters are and how much they like to fly them (and of course, how great Bob is at flying fighters). And then Bob (or someone) called in some favors, and several film editors on angel dust were forced to sit around for a couple weeks and assembled all the available stock footage about refueling and Air Force training exercises that ever existed. They then spliced in the 20 minutes of "Bob Dornan, Boy Fighter Pilot", and hoped for the best. Or at least, hoped not to be later tried as war criminals. There could be a "real" movie in there about a young fighter pilot's coming of age and learning the tricks of the trade. In fact, there have been several ("Top Gun", anyone?). This also could have been a pretty fascinating documentary on the same subject.But "Starfighters" isn't either of those things. In fact, I can't can't even tell you what it is, aside from an exercise in tedium and padding. In any case, "Starfighters" is horrible, but in a harmless, benign way. I suppose the best use for it would be as 'video wallpaper', the kind of movie that plays on the TV in the background of a REAL movie. Mystery Science Theater had a good go at this, and their coverage is reasonably amusing, but it's rough going even with their company. Watch "Starfighters" only if you are in a REALLY weird mood indeed. What mood would that be? You'll know when you have it....words can't describe it.
17 out of 17 people found the following comment useful :- Nothing Happens!!!, 1 June 2000 Author: (Delfin-6) from Cincinnati, Ohio
If you've ever seen this movie, you probably know what I'm talking about. In a short summary, it can easily be said that NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS MOVIE!!! There's some refueling, some schmoozing amongst the officers, more refueling, officers swimming in a pool wearing "poopie suits", (I didn't make that up) still more refueling, and Robert Dornan (yes, the congressman). As they say in the MST3K Amazing Colossal Episode guide, I have no idea to whom this movie would appeal to. It was probably meant to be shown on various Air Force bases, but somehow it turned up on national TV in a particular episode of MST3K. This is one movie that never deserved to see the light of day. It is really bad, but if you really want to laugh at it, do not watch it without the presence of Mike and the 'bots.
20 out of 25 people found the following comment useful :- Non-Stop Refueling Action!!!, 23 August 2004 Author: Miss_Misery1313 from USA
If you enjoy movies with godawful performances delivered by some of the worst actors and non-actors to ever live, endless hours of jets refueling, and no plot to speak of, then look no further. SEE the jets fly! SEE the Liberace wannabe yak away on the phone! SEE the jets refuel! SEE the jets refuel....again...and again! And again! SEE the jets blow up some white rectangles! SEE the red-hot snuggling action! SEE the jets refuel again!Seriously, this movie has more nothing in it than any other film I have ever laid my weary eyes on. Just what the hell was writer/producer/director Will Zens thinking? Does he have some weird fetish for the refueling hoses or something? Just don't watch without the help of Mike and the bots.
20 out of 27 people found the following comment useful :- Why America is the greatest country on the planet!!, 4 May 2004 Author: Michael H from Coastal Maine
The Starfighters is a brilliant MST episode but THE most perplexing film in non-MST form. I wonder if it was actually shown outside the realms of air bases. Something for strictly drive-ins? What was the director trying to show the audience and did he think the audience would be throughly entertained?Bob Dornan is John W. Wikowski Jr, son of congressman John W. Wikowski (Sr.)who is actually Liberace's secret twin brother. He and Goober from the Andy Griffith Show go to George (not Larry) Air Force base to fly F-104 around, re-fuel forever, blow up white rectangles, wear poopie suits and fly to Europe. There's some annoying subplots involving a girlfriend from Iowa and their snuggling, some mundane conversations with big faced Major Stevens and his commanding officer and a crashed jet which is only implied, not seen. Director Will Zens went to great lengths to find as much stock footage as he can for this film due to the high salaries demanded by Dornan and Liberace. The poopie suits themselves took up most of the rest of the budget. This was a tough film for MST since there is so much you can comment on in re-fueling scenes. This would have been an impossible film to sit through without Mike and the bots.
15 out of 18 people found the following comment useful :- It's the Poopy Suit!, 13 April 1999 Author: Vegeta-2 from Tennessee
Honestly, that's a line in the movie, if you can call this a movie. It's mostly stock footage of jets flying, landing, bombing, and roughly ten hours of refueling footage. The "plot" revolves around some leather-faced Air Force pilots training in new jets. That's it. Tedious doesn't come close to describing this film. Literally NOTHING happens. Nothing.Oh, and everyone in this movie has third degree sunburns and disturbingly lumpy faces. "Top Gun" it isn't. This is just a really bad movie. Be sure to look out for the Poopy Suit, a suit that somehow keeps you from drowning if you crash a jet into the ocean (not that that happens, because THAT would be interesting). The only way this is watchable is the Mystery Science Theater version, it's hilarious.
16 out of 21 people found the following comment useful :- Quite possibly the most uninteresting film ever made., 4 December 2000 Author: lartronic from Akron, Ohio.
This film may be the only movie with a plot lower than the plot in "Pod People". Wait, I forgot, this film had no plot. Basically, it's about jets refueling. The end. Why this film was ever made is still a mystery to me. Apparently someone had nothing better to do. It's films like this that make me want to stop being a movie buff, but then I think about all of the worthwhile films or MST3K and I feel better.
11 out of 12 people found the following comment useful :- Stock footage away!!, 11 April 2002 Author: icehole4 from Irving, TX
This film probably gathered every piece of stock footage the US Air Force had to offer at the time. I think the producers thought "we have lots of cool stock footage. We don't need things like plot, character development, and the like." Sadly, this film will never amount to anything, just like the hero of the film, a son of a Congressman.
12 out of 14 people found the following comment useful :- Watch it only if you're an F-104 fan., 12 April 2007 Author: genedigennaro from United States
I am an F-104 Starfghter nut. It is my favorite aircraft. This film had the opportunity to be a real interesting film, since the F-104 was a very high performance jet fighter. There could have been scenes showing the airplane's incredible climbing ability to 75,000ft or more. Perhaps a few scenes of zero length launches from a flat bed trailer. For some light moments perhaps some banter between the international pilots and USAF pilots would show a humorous cultural barrier. Much like "Breaking the Sound Barrier", this film could have been a real cult movie for aviation buffs. However that chance was wasted, the slow pace and boring dialog make this hard even for me to watch. If you like '104s keep the fast forward button handy.By the way, "poopysuit" is a a nickname for an anti-exposure suit. It's worn by pilots when flying over cold water.
9 out of 10 people found the following comment useful :- The worst line in movie history, 29 September 2005 Author: bobbyknightmare from Bedford, PA
*** This comment may contain spoilers ***
Never mind the idea of making Bob Dornan and action movie star, but this boring snoozefest contains what has to be the worst line ever said in movie history.Dornan is "romancing" a typical Midwest farmgirl and listening to her talk about raising corn. At the end, Dornan tries to make time with her by saying......ready for this?Are you sure?Seriously, you can stop now.OK, I warned ya..."...I always knew sex could be corny, but who knew corn could be so sexy?"AAAAUUUUURRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!Just a piece of advice for film makers. The day-to-day operations of the typical military base or unit usually doesn't make very riveting viewing. Trust me, I know firsthand.
9 out of 10 people found the following comment useful :- No plot, no story... great fun!, 4 May 2005 Author: el_Gusano from Alaska
I've watched this movie several times, and I have yet to detect a hint of a plot or a storyline. What could be better?!? Grab some popcorn and take the time to enjoy this stroll in this mindless wonderland!Not only do you get to see "B-1 Bob" Dornan, but a whole bunch of other people... Well, this movie isn't the worst movie of all time; that honor would have to go to Manos: The Hands of Fate. At least "The Starfighters" had a few actors that were in other movies. Besides B-1 Bob, there are a couple of actors with 3 movie credits to their honor.Needless to say, most of the cast didn't really go anywhere in Hollyweird. If you watch this movie and you detect a hint of a plot or storyline, please drop me a line and let me know about it.What a great way to waste an evening!
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