Cappy:
Not you again.
Eric Von Zipper:
Yep, it's me.
Cappy:
I though maybe you'd skip us this year.
Eric Von Zipper:
I like you. And when Eric Von Zipper likes someone, they stay liked.
Big Daddy:
Bring me my pendulum, kiddies, I feel like swinging!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Marianne, this book will be my triumph.
Marianne:
And you'll never get it though the mail. But hang on to the picture rights, I'm sure American International will snap it up in a minute.
Eric Von Zipper:
Look, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothin'!
J.D.:
That's right, nobody tells Eric Von Zipper nothin'!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Who are you?
J.D.:
J.D.
Eric Von Zipper:
That's short for "Juvenile Delinquent."
[
Eric Von Zipper's motorcycle run away and crashes]
J.D.:
You did it again, boss.
Eric Von Zipper:
You stupid, fix it!
[
at the arrival of Eric Von Zipper and his Rat Pack]
Cappy:
Just what we need, the black plague!
Cappy:
Just one thing, Professor, will you level with me? What's with the feather duster? The beard? You think it moves the chicks?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
No, it usually works the other way.
Cappy:
I don't dig. You don't want to level with me?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
All right I'll level with you. When I first started out a Harvard, I was the youngest professor at the university. I was so young that it was sickening. No one took me seriously. Every time when I opened my mouth to speak, my students laughed, the other professors laughed, even the janitors laughted. Well, I knew it couldn't go on for long before I was fired, so one day at lunch, I sat down in the student cafeteria and presented my problem to this old professor friend of mine. And without even glancing up from his soup, he said to me: "buy yourself a pair of glasses and grow a beard." So you see, all of this is just 18 years of professor windowdressing.
Cappy:
Amazing how our lives parallel. You have that, and I have this.
[
points to his chin]
Cappy:
You know why I grew this? I got a dimple in my chin and I didn't want anyone mistaking me for Kirk Douglas.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
But you don't look anything like Kirk Douglas.
Cappy:
See? It works.
Frankie:
I want to talk to you about Delores. I'm Frankie.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Oh, hi, Frankie. I'm...
Frankie:
I know who you are.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
You do?
Frankie:
You're the guy that's been cutting in on my time!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
No, please, just a moment I...
Frankie:
You're brainwashing her with your beard!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Brainwashing her with my beard?
Frankie:
Why else would she be crazy about someone like you?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Now that, I resent.
Frankie:
I mean, you're an old man.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Now just a second. If you're so crazy about Dolores, why are you running around flirting with that Hungarian goulash?
Frankie:
Because she's my girl.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Who? Goulash?
Frankie:
No, Dolores!
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Oh, I see now, yes! You're trying to make her jealous. Put her down. Typical Aborigine attitude. I suppose you'd like to drag her off on your surfboard by the roots of her hair.
Frankie:
Yes, I would! I love her. Look, I know how you can love her too because she's lovable. But I'm telling you this: I am not gonna let any over aged fuzzy-face take away my girl! Not, if I have anything to do with it, and believe me Mister, I do! By the way, how are you fixed for blades?
Cappy:
Can I ask you something, Professor? Are you studying these kids sex lives, or you getting involved in it?
Eric Von Zipper:
Ah, Professor?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
Yes, Mr. Von Zipper?
Eric Von Zipper:
I wonder if we could talk for a minute?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
You mean like palaver?
Eric Von Zipper:
We could do that, too.
Rhonda:
Deadhead, how could you be hungry at a time like this?
Deadhead:
A man can't live by love alone.
Cappy:
Well, you came to the right cat. If anything you want to know about these kids I can tell you the whole thing in two words - they're nuts.
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
[
flying DeeDee in his plane] Dolores, this is a great little plane, it will do anything.
Dolores:
Will it land?
Prof. Robert O. Sutwell:
[
helping DeeDee out of the plane] Will I see you tomorrow?
Dolores:
Only if they allow me visitors.
Frankie:
You know, the only thing I've studied this semester is you.
Dolores:
Well, I hope you don't flunk.
Frankie:
Well, there's always summer school, you know.
Cappy:
Boy, that kid's really got a chip on his shoulder. I think it's his head.
Deadhead:
Boy, this has been some night.
Frankie:
You can say that again.
Deadhead:
Boy, this has been some night.
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