Capt. Wiles:
Blessed are they who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.
Miss Graveley:
How old do you think I am young man?
Sam Marlowe:
Hmm... fifty. How old do you think you are?
Miss Graveley:
Forty-two! I can show you my birth certificate.
Sam Marlowe:
I'm afraid you're going to have to show more than your birth certificate to convince a man of that.
[
Upon finding the Captain dragging a body along the ground]
Miss Graveley:
What seems to be the trouble, Captain?
[
the Captain and Miss Graveley have afternoon tea together]
Captain:
A real handsome man's cup.
Miss Graveley:
It's been in the family for years. My father always used it... until he died.
Captain:
I trust he died peacefully. Slipped away in the night?
Miss Graveley:
He was caught in a threshing machine.
[
Referring to Harry Worp]
Jennifer Rogers:
He looked exactly the same when he was alive, only he was vertical.
Captain:
Marriage is a good way to spend the winter.
[
Discussing Jennifer's recently deceased husband Harry]
Jennifer Rogers:
You can stuff him, for all I care. Stuff him and put him in a glass case, only I'd suggest frosted glass.
Sam Marlowe:
What did he do to you? Besides marry you.
Sam Marlowe:
Perharps I'll come back tomorrow.
Arnie:
When's that?
Sam Marlowe:
The day after today.
Arnie:
That's yesterday. Today's tomorrow.
Sam Marlowe:
It was.
Arnie:
When was tomorrow yesterday?
Sam Marlowe:
Today.
Arnie:
Oh, sure. Yesterday.
Miss Graveley:
[
to Capt. Wiles] I'm grateful to you for burying my body.
Capt. Wiles:
[
after Dr. Greenbow trips over the body] Couldn't have had more people here if I'd sold tickets.
Capt. Wiles:
[
as he sees Sam Marlowe coming] Next thing you know they'll be televising the whole thing.
Sam Marlowe:
Let's get Harry and pop him in.
Capt. Wiles:
With hasty reverence.
Jennifer Rogers:
I've never been to a home-made funeral before.
Capt. Wiles:
I have... it's my third. All in one day...
Sam Marlowe:
You're not supposed to bury bodies whenever you find them. It makes people suspicious.
Jennifer Rogers:
Ignite me, Sam. I have a very short fuse.
Capt. Wiles:
Coming home from Madagascar once we had a fireman on board who hit his head on a brick wall and died two days later.
Sam Marlowe:
Where did he find a brick wall on board a ship?
Capt. Wiles:
Mmmm... that's what we always wondered.
Sam Marlowe:
I think, Captain Wiles, we're tangled up in a murder.
Capt. Wiles:
Murder. If it's murder who dunnit?
Sam Marlowe:
Who did it?
Capt. Wiles:
That's what I say, whodunnit?
Arnie:
How do rabbits get born?
Sam Marlowe:
Same way elephants do.
Capt. Wiles:
I fired three bullets. Three! One for the hunting sign, one for the tin can...
Sam Marlowe:
...and one for the little man who's lying in the grave.
Miss Graveley:
[
Arnie puts a dead rabbit on the table while the Captain and Miss Graveley are having tea] What do you call him?
Arnie:
Dead.
Capt. Wiles:
Where did you get him?
Arnie:
I found him.
Miss Graveley:
Where did you find him?
Arnie:
[
Looking at the tea table] In the blueberry muffins.
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