Kip Lurie:
Lawyers should never marry other lawyers. This is called in-breeding; from this comes idiot children... and other lawyers.
Adam Bonner:
First of all, I should like to say that I think the arguments advanced by the counsel for the defense were sound... MERE sound!
Amanda Bonner:
Let's all be manly!
Amanda Bonner:
What I said was true, there's no difference between the sexes. Men, women, the same.
Adam Bonner:
They are?
Amanda Bonner:
Well, maybe there is a difference, but it's a little difference.
Adam Bonner:
Well, you know as the French say...
Amanda Bonner:
What do they say?
Adam Bonner:
Vive la difference!
Amanda Bonner:
Which means?
Adam Bonner:
Which means hurrah for that little difference.
Adam Bonner:
What are ya? Sore about a little slap?
Amanda Bonner:
No.
Adam Bonner:
Well, what then?
Amanda Bonner:
[
outraged] You meant that, didn't you? You really meant that.
Adam Bonner:
Why, no, I...
Amanda Bonner:
Yes, you did. I can tell. I know your type. I know a slap from a slug.
Adam Bonner:
Well, OK, OK.
Amanda Bonner:
I'm not so sure it is. I'm not so sure I care to expose myself to typical instinctive masculine brutality.
Adam Bonner:
Oh come now.
Amanda Bonner:
And it felt not only as though you meant it, but as though you felt you had a right to. I can tell.
Adam Bonner:
What've you got back there? Radar equipment?
Adam Bonner:
No matter what you think you think, you think the same as I think.
Kip Lurie:
Amanda, my love, why do you stay married to a legal beagle with ten thumbs?
Kip Lurie:
Well, good luck tomorrow, Amanda. I'm on your side, I guess you know that. You've got me so convinced, I may even go out and become a woman. Goodnight.
[
leaves]
Adam Bonner:
And he wouldn't have far to go, either.
Amanda Bonner:
Shh!
Adam Bonner:
What's a matter?
Kip Lurie:
[
steps back into the kitchen and whispers] He can hear you.
Amanda Bonner:
And after you shot your husband... how did you feel?
Doris Attinger:
Hungry!
Beryl Caighn:
And then I heard a noise.
Adam Bonner:
What kind of noise?
Beryl Caighn:
Like a sound.
Amanda Bonner:
Mr. Attinger had never touched you before this time?
Beryl Caighn:
Sure
Amanda Bonner:
Ahh!
Beryl Caighn:
We used to shake hands quite a lot.
Amanda Bonner:
I see. Did you enjoy it?
Warren Francis Attinger:
[
to Adam Bonner] Listen, you don't get a split lip from imagination!
Amanda Bonner:
Nobody died in the evening paper, isn't that nice?
Kip Lurie:
[
to Adam] What have you been eating, raspberry jam or Amanda's face?
Adam Bonner:
What do you want around here anyway?
Kip Lurie:
As if you didn't already know.
[
looks at Amanda]
Kip Lurie:
Did I hear someone say "sing it again"?
Adam Bonner:
No!
Beryl Caighn:
She tried to shoot me.
Adam Bonner:
How do you know that?
Beryl Caighn:
Because she did.
Amanda Bonner:
And when did you stop loving your wife? Tell the truth.
Warren Francis Attinger:
At least
[
shrugs]
Warren Francis Attinger:
3 years.
Amanda Bonner:
Why? Tell the truth.
Warren Francis Attinger:
She started getting too fat.
Amanda Bonner:
Did you tell her about that?
Warren Francis Attinger:
Yes.
Amanda Bonner:
What happened?
Warren Francis Attinger:
She got fatter.
Amanda Bonner:
[
addressing the court] For years, women have been ridiculed, pampered, chucked under the chin. I ask you, on behalf of us all, be fair to the fair sex.
Adam Bonner:
We'll be here a year.
Amanda Bonner:
No part of marriage is the exclusive province of any one sex.
Amanda Bonner:
Now, you look here, Kip. I'm fighting my prejudices, but it's clear that you're behaving like a, like a - well, I'd hate to put it this way - like a *man*.
Kip Lurie:
You watch your language.
Adam Bonner:
[
takes a bite out of his fake gun] Licorice. If there's anything I'm a sucker for, it's licorice.
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