Tracy Lord:
I'm going crazy. I'm standing here solidly on my own two hands and going crazy.
Macaulay Connor:
Oh Tracy darling...
Tracy Lord:
Mike...
Macaulay Connor:
What can I say to you? Tell me darling.
Tracy Lord:
Not anything - don't say anything. And especially not "darling."
Macaulay Connor:
It can't be anything like love, can it?
Tracy Lord:
No, no, it can't be.
Macaulay Connor:
Would it be inconvenient?
Tracy Lord:
Terribly.
Tracy Lord:
Hello you.
Macaulay Connor:
Hello.
Tracy Lord:
You look fine.
Macaulay Connor:
I feel fine.
Margaret Lord:
The course of true love...
Macaulay Connor:
...gathers no moss.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
What's this room? I've forgotten my compass.
Macaulay Connor:
I'd say, south-by-southwest parlor-by-living-room.
Macaulay Connor:
This is the Bridal Suite. Would you send up a couple of caviar sandwiches and a bottle of beer?
Margaret Lord:
What? Who is this?
Macaulay Connor:
This is the Voice of Doom calling. Your days are numbered, to the seventh son of the seventh son.
Margaret Lord:
Hello? Hello?
Tracy Lord:
What's the matter?
Margaret Lord:
One of the servants has been at the sherry again.
Tracy Lord:
I never knew such a man.
Macaulay Connor:
You're not likely to dear. Not from where you sit.
Macaulay Connor:
You've got all the arrogance of your class, haven't you?
Tracy Lord:
What have classes to do with it? What do they matter except for the people in them? George comes from the so-called lower class, Dexter, the upper. Well?
Macaulay Connor:
Well...
Tracy Lord:
Mac the night watchman is a prince among men, Uncle Willie is a... pincher. Upper and lower my eye. I'll take the lower, thanks.
Macaulay Connor:
If you can't get a drawing room.
Tracy Lord:
What does that mean?
Macaulay Connor:
My mistake.
Tracy Lord:
Decidedly. You're insulting!
Macaulay Connor:
Sorry.
Tracy Lord:
Oh, don't apologize!
Macaulay Connor:
Well, who's apologizing?
Tracy Lord:
I never knew such a man.
Macaulay Connor:
You wouldn't be likely to, from where you sit!
Tracy Lord:
Talk about arrogance.
Macaulay Connor:
Tracy.
Tracy Lord:
What do you want?
Macaulay Connor:
[
pause] You're wonderful.
George Kittredge:
[
walks in on Tracy and Dexter together] Well, I suppose I should object to this twosome.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
That would be most objectionable.
Tracy Lord:
[
Tracy and Mike have almost kissed. Both are very drunk] Has your mind taken hold again, dear professor?
Macaulay Connor:
Good thing, don't you agree?
Tracy Lord:
No, professor.
Macaulay Connor:
[
angrily] Alright, lay off that "professor" stuff! Now, do you hear me?
Tracy Lord:
Yes, professor...
Macaulay Connor:
Doggone it, C.K. Dexter Haven. Either I'm gonna sock you or you're gonna sock me.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Shall we toss a coin?
[
Dexter has just proposed]
Tracy Lord:
Oh Dexter you're not doing it just to soften the blow?
C. K. Dexter Haven:
No.
Tracy Lord:
Nor to save my face?
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Oh, it's a nice little face.
Tracy Lord:
Oh Dexter, I'll be yar now, I promise to be yar.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Be whatever you like, you're my redhead.
Uncle Willie:
[
hung over] Awww... this is one of those days that the pages of history teach us are best spent lying in bed.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
[
looking for the "hair of the dog"] Do you s'pose, sir, speaking of eye-openers...?
Uncle Willie:
Oh, that's the first sane remark I've heard today. C'malong, Dexter, I know a formula that's said to pop the pennies off the eyelids of dead Irishmen.
Macaulay Connor:
I'm testing the air. I like it but it doesn't like me.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
Oh it's all right Tracy. We all go haywire at times and if we don't, maybe we ought to.
Tracy Lord:
Put me in your pocket, Mike.
Macaulay Connor:
The prettiest sight in this fine pretty world is the privileged class enjoying its privileges.
Tracy Lord:
The time to make up your mind about people is never.
Tracy Lord:
You hardly know him.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
To hardly know him is to know him well.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Of course, Mr. Connor, she's a girl who is generous to a fault.
Tracy Lord:
To a fault.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Except to other people's faults.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Sometimes, for your own sake, Red, I think you should've stuck to me longer.
Tracy Lord:
I thought it was for life, but the nice judge gave me a full pardon.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Aaah, that's the old redhead. No bitterness, no recrimination, just a good swift left to the jaw.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Orange juice, certainly.
Tracy Lord:
Don't tell me you've forsaken your beloved whisky and whiskies.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
No-no-no-no. I've just changed their colour, that's all. I'm going for the pale pastel shades now. There're more becoming of me. How about you, Mr. Connor? You drink, don't you - alcohol, I mean?
Macaulay Connor:
Oh, a little.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
[
Amused] A little? And you a writer? Tsk, tsk, tsk. I thought all writers drank to excess and beat their wives. You know, at one time I think I secretly wanted to be a writer.
[
He and Tracy exchange scornful looks]
C. K. Dexter Haven:
I thought all writers drank to excess and beat their wives. You know one time I secretly wanted to be a writer.
Margaret Lord:
We both might face the facts that neither of us has proved to be a very great success as a wife.
Tracy Lord:
We just picked the wrong first husband.
Seth Lord:
You have everything it takes to make a lovely woman except the one essential: an understanding heart. And without that you might just as well be made of bronze.
Tracy Lord:
Oh, we're going to talk about me again, are we? Goody.
Sidney Kidd:
I understand we understand each other.
Macaulay Connor:
Champagne's funny stuff. I'm used to whiskey. Whiskey is a slap on the back, and champagne's heavy mist before my eyes.
Tracy Lord:
You haven't switched from liquor to dope, by any chance, have you Dexter?
Tracy Lord:
I never thought that alcohol would - Oh shut up.
Tracy Lord:
Dexter, say something.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Well, I...
Tracy Lord:
Oh, I'm such an unholy mess of a girl.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Well, now, that's not conversation.
Macaulay Connor:
I would sell my grandmother for a drink - and you know how I love my grandmother.
George Kittredge:
You're like some marvelous, distant, well, queen, I guess. You're so cool and fine and always so much your own. There's a kind of beautiful purity about you, Tracy, like, like a statue.
Tracy Lord:
George...
George Kittredge:
Oh, it's grand, Tracy. It's what everybody feels about you. It's what I first worshipped you for from afar.
Tracy Lord:
I don't want to be worshipped. I want to be loved.
Tracy Lord:
You're too good for me, George. You're a hundred times too good. And I'd make you most unhappy, most. That is, I'd do my best to.
Tracy Lord:
You seem quite contemptuous of me all of the sudden.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
No Red, not of you, never of you.
Macaulay Connor:
I don't think you're being fair to me, Mr. Kidd.
Sidney Kidd:
No?
Macaulay Connor:
No. You're treating me like you treat all your other writers.
Tracy Lord:
These stories are beautiful. Why, Mike, they're almost poetry.
Macaulay Connor:
Don't kid yourself, they are.
Dinah Lord:
Nothing ever possibly in the least ever happens here. Mother, how do you get smallpox?
Macaulay Connor:
[
speaking of Tracy] What are her leading characteristics?
C. K. Dexter Haven:
She has a horror of men who wear their hats in the house.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
Leading characteristics to be filled in later.
Macaulay Connor:
I can fill them in right now: the rich, rapacious, American female. There's no other country where she exists.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
And would I change places with Tracy Samantha Lord for all her wealth and beauty? Oh boy just ask me.
Margaret Lord:
Oh, dear. Is there no such thing as privacy any more?
Tracy Lord:
Only in bed, mother, and not always there.
Macaulay Connor:
[
drunk, to driver] Well, this is where Cinderella gets off, now you hurry back to the ball before you turn into a pumpkin and six white mice, goodbye.
Tracy Lord:
Aren't you coming Liz?
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
Well, it seems I've got to commit suicide first.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
Where's my wandering parakeet?
Macaulay Connor:
[
drunk] You going my way miss?
Tracy Lord:
[
drunk] That's "Miss Goddess" to you
Macaulay Connor:
Okay, Miss Goddess To Me.
Macaulay Connor:
Tell four footmen to call me in time for lunch will you?
Tracy Lord:
You're just a mass of prejudices, aren't you? You're so much thought and so little feeling, Professor.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
I'm sorry, but I thought I better hit you before he did. He's in better shape than I am.
Macaulay Connor:
Well you'll do!
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Hello friends and enemies.
Uncle Willie:
Young man, remove yourself!
C. K. Dexter Haven:
How are you, sir?
Uncle Willie:
I don't know. Get along! Get along!
George Kittredge:
I'm going to build you an ivory tower with my own two hands.
Tracy Lord:
Like fun you are.
Uncle Willie:
Must we ride in this thing? Wouldn't we be more comfortable on pogo sticks?
Tracy Lord:
[
a very drunk Tracy] My feet are made of clay. Made of clay, did you know? Good niiiggghhhttt little man!
Sidney Kidd:
You really hate me, don't you Connor?
Macaulay Connor:
Oh no!
[
pause]
Macaulay Connor:
I don't like you very much though.
Macaulay Connor:
[
telling off Sidney Kidd, his boss] Quote: No hunter of buckshot in the rear is cagey, crafty Connor. Un-quote. Close paragraph.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
Close job. Close bank account.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
The moon is also a goddess, chaste and virginal.
Tracy Lord:
Stop using those foul words.
[
Liz screams as Uncle Willie pinches her on the rear]
Macaulay Connor:
Don't DO that!
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
I... I feel exactly as though I'd been pinched.
Seth Lord:
Don't you think you weren't.
Margaret Lord:
Are you one of the musicians?
Macaulay Connor:
No!
Margaret Lord:
Oh of course, you're Junius's friend. Only you're not. Do you have any violin strings?
Macaulay Connor:
[
digs in his pocket] I have an aspirin. Will that work?
Margaret Lord:
I don't think so! It's for a violin. Oh well, no matter!
Dinah Lord:
Oh, it won't rain. Tracy won't stand for it.
Macaulay Connor:
[
to the butler] The Queen will have bread and honey at the usual time.
[
Mike discovers the intercom in the Lords' house]
Macaulay Connor:
Uh-oh, Liz, what did I tell you? Look, how do you like this - living room, sitting room, terrace, pool, stables.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
That's probably so they can talk to the horses without having them in the house.
Macaulay Connor:
Tracy.
Tracy Lord:
What do you want?
Macaulay Connor:
You're wonderful. There's a magnificence in you, Tracy.
Tracy Lord:
Now I'm getting self-conscious. It's funny. I - Mike? Let's...
Macaulay Connor:
Yeah?
Tracy Lord:
I don't know - go up, I guess, it's late.
Macaulay Connor:
A magnificence that comes out of your eyes, in your voice, in the way you stand there, in the way you walk. You're lit from within, Tracy. You've got fires banked down in you, hearth-fires and holocausts.
Tracy Lord:
I don't seem to you made of bronze?
Macaulay Connor:
No, you're made out of flesh and blood. That's the blank, unholy surprise of it. You're the golden girl, Tracy. Full of life and warmth and delight. What goes on? You've got tears in your eyes.
Tracy Lord:
Shut up, shut up. Oh, Mike. Keep talking, keep talking. Talk, will you?
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
We've come for the body of Macaulay Connor.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
I'm so glad you came. Can you use a typewriter?
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
No, thanks, I've got one at home.
Tracy Lord:
Only for the moment, I'm not interested in myself.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Not interested in yourself, Red, you're fascinated. You're far and away your favorite person in the world.
Tracy Lord:
Dexter, would you mind doing something for me?
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Anything. What?
Tracy Lord:
Get the heck out of here.
Sidney Kidd:
You hate me, I trust, Miss Imbrie.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
No, I-I can't afford to hate anybody. I'm only a photographer.
Macaulay Connor:
Look, who's doing the interviewing here?
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
Do you think she caught on somehow?
Macaulay Connor:
No, she was born like that, don't let her throw you.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
Do you want to take over?
Macaulay Connor:
I want to go home!
Tracy Lord:
[
normal voice] Hello, Dexter.
[
lower voice]
Tracy Lord:
Hello, George.
[
high childish voice]
Tracy Lord:
Hello, Mike.
Dinah Lord:
[
describing her "dream" to Tracy] Do you know what I saw coming out of the woods?
Tracy Lord:
I haven't the faintest idea, a skunk?
Macaulay Connor:
What's this? Is it my book?
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Yes.
Macaulay Connor:
C. K. Dexter Haven you have unsuspected depth!
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Thanks, old chap.
Macaulay Connor:
But have you read it?
C. K. Dexter Haven:
When I was trying to stop drinking, I read anything.
Macaulay Connor:
And did you stop drinking?
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Yes. Your book didn't do it though.
Tracy Lord:
[
taking the perfume out of the car] This is your Uncle Willy's favorite, Complete Surrender.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
You'll never be a first class human being or a first class woman until you've learned to have some regard for human frailty.
Tracy Lord:
I can't make you out at all now.
Macaulay Connor:
I thought I was easy.
Tracy Lord:
So did I. But you're not. You talk so big and tough and then you write like this. Which is which?
Macaulay Connor:
Both. I guess.
Tracy Lord:
No. No, I believe you put the toughness down to save your skin.
Macaulay Connor:
You think so?
Tracy Lord:
Yes. I know a little about that.
Macaulay Connor:
You do?
Tracy Lord:
Quite a lot.
Tracy Lord:
My, she was yar...
Macaulay Connor:
C.K. Dexter Haven, I would like to talk to you.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Well, let's go in the talking room.
Uncle Willie:
[
leering at Liz] Ah Ms. Embry, you're a vision of lovliness. May I offer you a cocktail? Or champagne?
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
Oh champagne, I've never had enough.
Uncle Willie:
You will... tonight.
Uncle Willie:
[
watching Kittredge clumsily mount a horse] Heigh Ho Silver.
George Kittredge:
[
Dexter has butted in] You keep out of this.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
You forget I am out of it.
George Kittredge:
But a man expects his wife to...
Tracy Lord:
Behave herself. Naturally.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
To behave herself naturally.
[
George gives him a look]
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Sorry.
Tracy Lord:
[
on her wedding day] Do you like my dress, Dinah?
Dinah Lord:
Oh, yes. Ever so much.
Tracy Lord:
Feels awfully heavy.
Sidney Kidd:
Anyway, presented for the first time, quote: A wedding day inside mainline society.
Macaulay Connor:
Or what the kitchen maid saw through the keyhole. Unquote.
Macaulay Connor:
[
calling outside his house] C.K. Dexter Haven! Oh, C.K. Dexter Haven!
C. K. Dexter Haven:
[
coming to the door in his pajamas] What's up?
Macaulay Connor:
You are.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
I only hope it's worth it. Come in.
Macaulay Connor:
My father was a history teacher.
Tracy Lord:
English history has always fascinated me. Robin Hood, Cromwell, Jack the Ripper. Where did he teach? Your father I mean.
Uncle Willie:
[
hung over, moans as the pony cart Dinah's driving hits a bump]
Dinah Lord:
What's wrong?
Uncle Willie:
Oh, nothing, nothing. My head just fell off, that's all.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
[
referring to Dinah] What's this?
Macaulay Connor:
Idiot, probably.
Macaulay Connor:
[
drunk] I bring you greetings and Cinderella's slipper, champagne. Champagne is a great leveleler... leveleler. It makes you my equal.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Not quite.
Macaulay Connor:
Well, almost my equal.
George Kittredge:
[
to horse] What's the matter, Bessie? You seem worried.
Dinah Lord:
Maybe that's because his name is Jack.
Macaulay Connor:
[
after Tracy has declined his last-minute marriage proposal] But they're in there! They're waiting!
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
Don't get too conventional all at once, will you? There'll be a reaction.
Margaret Lord:
I think that dress hikes up a little behind...
Dinah Lord:
No, it's me that does.
Seth Lord:
What most wives fail to realize is that their husband's philandering has nothing whatever to do with them.
Tracy Lord:
Oh? Then what has it to do with?
Seth Lord:
A reluctance to go grow old, I think.
Librarian:
What is thee wish?
Macaulay Connor:
I'm looking for some local b - what'd you say?
Librarian:
What is thee wish?
Macaulay Connor:
Um, local biography or history.
Librarian:
If thee will consult with my colleague in there.
Macaulay Connor:
Mm-hm. Dost thou have a washroom?
[
the librarian points]
Macaulay Connor:
Thank thee.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
I remember your honeymoon quite well. You and she on a little sail boat, the "True Love", wasn't it?
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Yes it was. How did you know?
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
I was the only photographer whose camera you didn't smash. You were terribly nice about it. You threw it in the ocean.
Macaulay Connor:
Oh, one of those.
C. K. Dexter Haven:
Yes I had the strange notion that our honeymoon was our own.
Macaulay Connor:
C.K. Dexter Haven, what kind of a name is that?
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
Macaulay Connor is no homespun tag, my pet.
Macaulay Connor:
Yeah, well you just try calling him Macaulay.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
There's a cousing, Joanna, who's definitely crazy.
Macaulay Connor:
Who told you that.
Elizabeth (Liz) Imbrie:
Dinah.
Macaulay Connor:
Well Dinah would know.
Tracy Lord:
English history has always facinated me. Cromwell, Robin Hood, Jack the Ripper. Where did he teach? You're father, I mean.
Tracy Lord:
South Bend, it sounds almost like dancing.
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