[
first lines]
[
Mary Evans is admiring a magazine photo of Clark Gable]
Mary Evans:
Hmmmm. Oh, boy!
[
Mary places the magazine photo against her face and pretends Gable is her lover. She speaks in an exaggerated voice]
Mary Evans:
Daaahling, how I love you my daaahling, I love you I do.
[
she puts the magazine down and returns to her normal voice]
Mary Evans:
It's getting late and I must scram.
[
last lines]
Lonny Borden:
Oh Mary? Aren't you going to say hello?
Mary Evans:
How'd you find us?
Lonny Borden:
Detectives. I kidnapped Jackie because I realized I'd never be able to get in to see you any other way.
Mary Evans:
Why'd you come?
Lonny Borden:
Well among other things, I've a rather important mesage here from Mr. Saxe. I'll read it. "Dear Mary. Just bought a new story. It'd make a good comeback for you. You go to prison for the man you love. Exhibiters interested. Mother and I send love. Julius Saxe." There is a p.s.
[
he turns the message over and pretends to read a p.s]
Lonny Borden:
"You better re-marry Lonny Borden. He adores you, he always has, cause he realizes that he isn't good enough for you but he'll do anything if you only take him back." It's true. Honest and a whole lot more!
Mary Evans:
Then... than you didn't go to Hollywood just to take Jackie from me?
Lonny Borden:
Well of course not dear. I came out to help if you needed it.
Mary Evans:
Oh Lonny.
Lonny Borden:
Let's have dinner together tonight, huh? There's a hotel here with a magnificent main dining room, a thirty piece orchestra, orchids.
Mary Evans:
Suppose I said no?
Lonny Borden:
Well you know what happened last time.
Mary Evans:
Lonny!
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Would you mind reading that fan letter for me?
[
it is written on the front of the shirt he is wearing]
James, Max's Butler:
Mary Evans. Five foot four inches. Weight 102 pounds. Complextion blonde. Telephone Gladstone 5309. Sings and swims. Rides horseback.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Well, I, I wonder who...?
James, Max's Butler:
It must have been the young lady.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Young lady? Did I bring some one home with me last night?
James, Max's Butler:
No sir, some one brought you home this morning. She's downstairs asleep.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
I must get a dressing gown!
Mary Evans:
Why do you drink all the time? Can't you cut the heavy swilling?
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
What, and be bored all the time?
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Let me give you a tip about Hollywood. Always keep your sense of humor then you can't miss.
Mary Evans:
Don't worry about me. I got a great sense of humor.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Good. I'll give you my private telephone number. It's... oh well I've forgotten it, but it doesn't matter. You'll find it listed in the book under the name of my Chinese cook, Hip Sing Lung. You think I'm screwy don't you?
Mary Evans:
No. I know you're screwy.
Mary Evans:
Her I am sir.
[
Mary enters the projection room]
Julius Saxe:
Hello. Hmmm hmmm hmmm. Let me look at you. Fine. Gentlemen. Sit down. Well, what's your name?
Mary Evans:
Mary Evans.
Julius Saxe:
Mary Evans? No Good. We'll change it.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Mary's a grand old name Saxey.
Julius Saxe:
Alright, we'll keep it. Well Mary. I tell you what I do. I'll give you a contract, a long term contract for seven years. I'll give you the first year 100, the second year 200. A week! The third year 300 and so on until in seven years you make a million dollars.
Mary Evans:
Oh that would be wonderful!
Julius Saxe:
Mrs. Spiegel, get mama on the phone. I want to tell her I have discovered a new star.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Who discovered a new star?
Julius Saxe:
Alright. Maximillian Carey discovered a new star.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
You're welcome.
Mary Evans:
I'm in pictures. Mr. Carey I'm in pictures!
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Well don't blame me.
Julius Saxe:
Goodbye Mary. I want to talk to you Maxie.
Mary Evans:
Goodbye Mr. Saxe. Goodbye Mr. Carey. Thank you!
[
Mary turns and walks to the projector room's exit door]
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Goodbye Mary. Be careful about your options.
Julius Saxe:
Carey I like you. You're a fine director Carey.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Alright, what have I done now?
Julius Saxe:
Now see I'll tell you. Carey you are slipping. All the time with the "but". All the time you are drunk. No longer do you care whether the scenes are good. No longer do you care whether the scene is being wasted. All the time retakes. All the time over schedule.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Alright. Now let's see, who do we get to replace me?
Julius Saxe:
Now listen. I'm saying that to you for your own good. You're even losing your memory with this drinking business. You're getting crazy. It's no good. You've got to stop it. Look here, five years ago you were ten years ahead of it and now you're not quite even with it. And what's the answer? Whiskey!
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
You're right. What the picture business needs is white wines and beers!
Julius Saxe:
Ahhhhhh!
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Well what's the riot about? Hello Mary, anything new?
Julius Saxe:
It's going to be terrific! Weddings are my speciality!
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Wedding? What wedding?
Mary Evans:
Mine. Darling aren't you going to congratulate me?
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
What for? It'll never last.
Lonny Borden:
What won't last?
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
My liver and a movie star's marriage.
Mary Evans:
We know your liver won't last darling!
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Say, do you think I'm doing this because I like it! How about you forget your husband for a few minutes and we might be able to finish this scene and go home.
Lonny Borden:
Oh, it too late for the theater now anyhow.
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Or you stand the chance of seeing the last act. Might do her some good to see a competent actress.
Mary Evans:
Say!
Lonny Borden:
Is it necessary to insult Miss Evans Mr. Carey?
Maximillan 'Max' Carey:
Outsiders are not allowed on the set. Why don't you let me direct Miss Evans and you be... Mr. Evans.
Mary Evans:
That'll be enough tonight Max. Come on Lonny!
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
Oh how do you do?
Mary Evans:
How do you do Miss DuPont?
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
My what a lovely place!
Mary Evans:
This is my husband.
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
How do you do Mr. Borden?
Lonny Borden:
How do you do.
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
I didn't dream you were so handsome. What a pair of lovers! Oh I must have a photograph of you looking at each other just like that.
Mary Evans:
Well, let's sit down.
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
Thank you.
Mary Evans:
Come on Lonny.
[
Mary grabs Lonny's arm and pulls him down to sit]
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
Of course you know Miss Evans, I'm writing a series of articles on the love lives of picture stars and I want your love life for the April number.
Lonny Borden:
You want what?
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
Now of course you don't mind answering just a few intimate questions. Of course I know you married for love. But was it the thoughtful reasoning kind or was it the blind passionate ummmmph kind?
Mary Evans:
Well I don't know. I suppose it was the...
Lonny Borden:
Well I should say it was the, uh, ummmmph kind!
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
That's good! Now are you planning on having a family?
Mary Evans:
I hope to some day.
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
Oh how sweet. How interesting. Have you seperate bedrooms?
Mary Evans:
No.
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
Oh I must have a photograph of your bedroom! Now Miss Evans, tell me, just how far do you think a wife should go to keep a husband's love?
Mary Evans:
Well I know I'd go a long way myself.
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
And what do you think a husband should do to keep a wife's love, Mr. Borden?
Lonny Borden:
I really haven't the faintest idea. Suppose you tell me!
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
Oh oh oh. I've never been a husband. That reminds me. Have you a photograph showing your marvelous physique?
Lonny Borden:
No but I have my appendix in the other room in a bottle. Perhaps you'd like to photograph that!
[
Lonny gets up and exits]
Miss DuPont, the Interviewer:
Has he gone to get it?
Mary Evans:
No, uh, I, I don't think so, ummm.
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