DOA: Dead or Alive 2006
A film review by Timothy Voon Copyright 2006 Timothy Voon
2.5 out of 5 dead kungfu kicks
Details: 2006, UK/USA/Rest of the world, Action, cert 15, 86 mins, Dir: Corey Yuen
Cast: Devon Aoki, Eric Roberts, Holly Valance, Jaime Pressly, Matthew Marsden, Sarah Carter
What was I thinking lining up to see another movie based on yet another popular video game. I was warned by my friends and by my partner to give this one a miss, but did I listen to them?
I'm thinking to myself as I pick up the popcorn and soft drink on the routine walk up to the ticket box office - have I seen a video game turned movie that was remotely well written, directed and engrossing. My thoughts go blank at this stage, and I sense that this movie is already looking ominously bad even before I've started watching it. However, I do note to myself that I have seen every movie made based on a popular video game despite the trend of bad directing and acting.
Why is this so?
I realized that the reason was because, I have played all of these games, and enjoyed them, and there was a slim hope that this enjoyment of the game would somehow be transferred onto the big screen. This was how the film was marketed - to those who were familiar with game like all its predecessors.
'DOOM' was doomed; 'Tomb Raider' should have stayed in the grave; 'Mortal Kombat' was mortifyingly bad; and 'DOA' is unfortunately more dead than alive.
I know I should be more positive about this film, and I'm trying desperately to throw in a positive remarks. So here's a few - there a lot of kick ass chicks that dress only in bikini's throughout the entire film; the chicks look particular hot and steamy in every scene especially when wet; there is a fight between 2 chicks that redefines Tai-bo on the beach; there are 2 chicks who share a bed; there's a ninja chick trying to kill another ninja chick; there's a pro-wrestling chick that kicks the ass our of her dad; there's a spy chick out to steal 10 million dollars; there are 3 chicks that kick the ass out of the bad guy; there are 4 chicks that have it out 'beach volley ball style' and every bouncy breast jiggle and tootsie bum wiggle is caught on camera; there is chick chick kiss (don't quote me on this one cause my flashbacks are getting a little hazy at this stage of the movie with all these chicks flying around on screen).
Ok you probably get the picture at this stage, that this is a karate kick ass chic flic; and it stinks compared to 'Charlie's Angels'.
I probably should tell you the names of which actors corresponds to which chick. But believe me they aren't worth the mention. There is no acting, just action. If you really want to relive the excitement that is DOA, go to the video store and rent yourself a copy of the video game and relive the excitement there - its more worth the money.
Timothy Voon
Email - winklebeck@hotmail.com Web - http://us.imdb.com/ReviewsBy?Tim+Voon
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