"The Fantastic Four" Accomplishes Little by Homer Yen (c) 2005
They say that teamwork makes the dream work. But the teamwork of the Fantastic Four seems so sloppy that you'd be amazed if they could all take the subway together much less work together inside a space station where they gather data on a phenomenon that could help alter our humanity. >From the moment that we meet them, everybody seems to be carrying some piece of emotional luggage. Sue (Jessica Alba), who possesses beauty AND brains, wonders if she'll ever find herself in the right relationship. Johnny (Chris Evans) is the hot-tempered hotshot that you might see vying for popularity alongside Tony Hawk. What's really super about him is that he has somehow negotiated a high salary from NASA, which might explain his cherry red Porsche and all those motorcycles. Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis) never seems happy about anything and we're never quite sure what his real story is. Reed (Ioan Gruffudd), the leader of the group, is a scientific whiz but a romantic dud. They certainly don't sound too fantastic. They're not. And neither is this big-screen homage to them.
The film tinkers with several facets of the Fantastic Four universe. The first act shows how each of them receives their unique powers. Thanks to a freak cosmic radiation storm, their DNA has been fundamentally altered. Thus, we see the emergence of Sue as The Invisible Girl; Johnny as The Human Torch; Ben as The Thing; and Reed as Mr. Fantastic. Meanwhile, the latter act clumsily moves towards a showdown between our rookie superheroes and a villain who can shoot balls of energy. These battle sequences are pretty much just a test of might backed by lots of special effects. Now, some of these powers lend to some awesome special effects. For example, Reed's body can stretch and become two-dimensional. This is helpful when you have to maneuver under the small crevice below a door to open the lock from the other side. And the fiery effects surrounding The Human Torch are inspired. The only thing needed to really complete the experience were some well-placed heat lamps in the theatre that could go off when the Human Torch flew towards the camera. I imagine that if he ever needed a second job, he could moonlight as Sterno (the fuel that burns under a Pu-Pu platter that you find in Chinese restaurants). Of course, then his new name would be the HUNAN Torch, but I digress.
The film is oddly, fantastically plain despite all of its effects. It would've been better off concentrating on a specific storyline. The background story of The Thing was the most poignant. Because of his change, his will to live has diminished and he struggles to find new purpose. I think that the film could also do without the seemingly endless acclimation process as our heroes learn more about their powers. It could've just assumed that each one was proficient and, better yet, that they could work together where their group dynamics would be greater than the individual parts. They just about get it right in a nicely executed rescue sequence that takes place on a city bridge. Each of them gets involved to save endangered innocent bystanders in what is probably the best and most exciting scene of the film.
Ultimately, "The Fantastic Four" never seems to be sure about what they really want. We're not sure what motivates them, what their cause is, or what their compelling reason is. They give us nothing to really cheer for - or to cheer about. One wishes that this film would've been as solid as The Thing. However, what you see on the screen is about as limp as Mr. Fantastic.
Grade: C S: 0 out of 3 L: 0 out of 3 V: 1 out of 3
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