THE LONGEST YARD (2005) A film review by David N. Butterworth Copyright 2005 David N. Butterworth
*1/2 (out of ****)
How original is this?
"A sadistic warden asks a former pro quarterback, now serving time in his prison, to put together a team of inmates to take on--and get pummeled by--the guards."
Not ringing any bells? How about this?
"Burt Reynolds stars in this comedy/drama that teams gridiron dramatics with humorous prison situations." (Hey, I'm sure they happen.)
Aha! That sounds like "The Longest Yard," that Robert Aldrich movie from 1974 that featured Reynolds as Paul Crewe, the former quarterback who's asked to throw the game in return for an early release yet, as will happen in these prison/football movies, prisoner pride prevails.
Actually, I was talking about the new Adam Sandler comedy/drama that, interestingly enough, is also called "The Longest Yard." And it's Sandler who plays Paul "Wrecking" Crewe herein; Reynolds is sidelined as Nate Scarborough, the crusty ex-coach turned inmate who teaches Crewe a thing or two (Michael Conrad played him in the original).
Lest we forget Sandler has already made a football movie--"The Waterboy"--so why another one? ("The Waterboy" was also a lot better than this: goofy and good-natured). And lest we forget Aldrich's original film was also a lot better: entertaining and influential--its original (British) title was "The Mean Machine," a name leant, incidentally, to the 2001 British comedy/drama about "a former soccer star jailed for assault [who] leads a group of inmates in a match against prison guards. With Vinnie Jones."
That film, in no way, shape, or form should be confused with the Sly Stallone monstrosity "Victory" (aka "Escape to Victory"), in which "a gaggle of allied prisoners take on their Nazi prison guards at the bequest of their sadistic warden."
Needless to say "The Longest Yard" (2005) has been done--and done--to death. And better, many times over (well, "Victory" really stunk). Peter Segal's film--he coddled Sandler in "50 First Dates" and "Anger Management"--is all about clichés. It's predictable pap, lazily written and filled with stereotypes--Chris Rock's wisecracking sidekick, James Cromwell's evil warden, William Fichtner's brutal captain, etc. It doesn't even try to be different. It just begs, borrows, and steals from every inmates-take-on-prison-guards movie before it. And ashamedly so.
Sandler himself is all wrong as Crewe, too soft and unconvincing to play either a felon or a pro athlete. He winds up in the state penitentiary after deliberately trashing his girlfriend's Bentley, not to mention half a dozen police cruisers, while driving drunk (said girlfriend is played by Courtney Cox of "Friends," who spends most of her screen time struggling to stay in her cut-to-the-navel dress). Once inside, Crewe is beaten up on a regular basis but emerges without so much as a scratch (so much for realism). Rock cracks wise as Caretaker, Reynolds strives for nobility, and that's rapper Nelly (Shake a Tail Feather) as con Earl Megget. The rest of the characters, a sweaty "fleshed out roster of killers, rapists, and general threats to society," make the film play like a grounded version of "Con Air." At least that film had Steve Buscemi.
Environmentalists will tell you that recycling is a good thing but "The Longest Yard" goes out of its way to prove otherwise.
-- David N. Butterworth dnb@dca.net
Got beef? Visit "La Movie Boeuf" online at http://members.dca.net/dnb
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