CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS -------------------------
Facing an empty nest for the first time in over twenty years when their daughter leaves for Peru with the Peace Corps, Luther (Tim Allen, "The Santa Clause") and Nora (Jamie Lee Curtis, "Freaky Friday") Krank decide to skip the holiday and go on a Caribbean cruise instead. The neighborhood of Hemlock Street, which has won multiple contests for its Christmas decorations, is up in arms, however, and is determined to spend "Christmas with the Kranks."
Adapted by Chris Columbus ("Gremlins") from John Grisham's book "Skipping Christmas" and directed by Joe Roth ("America's Sweethearts"), "Christmas with the Kranks" is a stilted, unbearably unfunny commercial plundering of the holiday season. Only Tim Allen manages to occasionally rise above the material and lob some genuine humor or emotion.
After Blair (newcomer Julie Gonzalo) packs off to Peru after Thanksgiving, Luther goes through his accounts and discovers that a cruise for two will cost less than half of the Kranks' prior Christmas expenditures. After a little convincing, Nora comes on board with the idea, but when they break from their normal holiday routine, they become the pariahs of suburban Riverside. Luther stands his ground all the way to Christmas Eve, when their packing is interrupted by a phone call from Blair - she's in Miami with a new fiance, Enrique (René Lavan) on her way home. With little time to spare, the Kranks suddenly must pull Christmas, including their famous Eve party, out of thin air.
Having not read the source novel, I'm not sure who to blame for unnatural dialogue (sitting in the car across the street from Chip's Market, which Luther is refusing to run over to due to pouring rain, Nora responds 'but I still need things from Chip's Market' - the full name of the store is repeated so often, it sounds like produce placement for an imaginary store) and situations manufactured from out of code building materials. The Kranks crawl about the floors of their own home to avoid carollers and hide in the basement when the neighbors demand they display their giant Frosty snowman. Nora is hunted down by the local stationer, who even arrives at her luncheon table to announce to her friends that she has not ordered her Christmas cards. Their darkened home even makes the local newspaper's first page headline. None of this is remotely believable, not even in the service of comedy, which this movie certainly is not.
The most heinous aspect of "Christmas with the Kranks" is that Jamie Lee Curtis, who received serious Oscar talk for her role in "Freaky Friday" last year, is allowed to deliver a shrill and manic performance by director Roth that paints her character as shallow and idiotic. Tim Allen, on the other hand, is quite natural and sympathetic and gets the film's two chuckles - one with an (ad libbed?) line about Irish pubs serving fish tacos and another attempting to eat after Botox injections. Dan Aykroyd, as community cheerleader Vic Frohmeyer, is blandly broad and Erik Per Sullivan plays his son Spike like he wandered over from a "Malcolm in the Middle" lunch break. M. Emmet Walsh serves up good curmudgeon and Cheech Marin and Jake Busey are OK as a pair of bumbling cops, but no supporting players stand out enough to provide the slightest bit of uplift.
"Christmas with the Kranks" is about as appealing as it sounds. Watching it is like spending your holiday with relatives from hell.
D-
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