Cellular (2004)

reviewed by
Johnny Betts


Rating: 3/5

Check out the Movie Mark for more reviews and movie entertainment:

http://www.themoviemark.com

Cellular doesn't waste much time getting down to business, as we're

treated to Basinger's kidnapping scene (with a murder included, free

of charge) within the first 10 minutes. Then things go haywire when

Statham smashes the inexplicably placed phone, and Basinger starts

clicking wires together and calls Evans. To the movie's credit, Evans

does a good job of mocking her and not believing her right away. But

as he stays on the phone and listens to what starts to happen in the

background, he's sort of put into the position of the movie audience.

He's held in suspense and left wondering what's gonna happen next.

Rather than spelling everything out at the beginning, the movie offers

revelations as it progresses. This approach really works. Basinger

doesn't know why she's been kidnapped or how her husband is involved,

and neither do we, thus putting us into the shoes of the ignorant

characters. It's a nice touch. And there are actually a couple of

surprises in the movie. Nothing earth-shattering, but effective all

the same.

But before you enter the theater, you'll want to find yourself the

biggest crane you can and go ahead and suspend your disbelief as high

as possible. Hoist that puppy up! Cellular is silly. It's stupid. The

holes in the plot are bigger than the craters on Seal's face. But the

good thing is that it's aware of that. At least I think it is. I

laughed with the movie quite a bit, but I also did a whole lot of

laughing AT the movie.

For example, are we supposed to laugh at William H. Macy when he

turns into Max Payne and somehow slides across the floor in slow

motion (despite not having anyway to propel himself) to shoot someone?

Or was that supposed to be a serious moment? Whatever the case, I was

cracking up. The movie doesn't take itself very seriously though, and

that's what makes it such a fun ride.

This is just one of those movies that screams for audience

participation. And the audience I saw the movie with definitely

participated. They were clapping, talking, yelling at the characters,

etc. It plays out like a typical slasher flick at times where the

audience is smarter than the characters. Believe me, there are times

when you want to yell at the screen because a character bypasses a

logical solution in order to keep the story going. *You* know he's

doing something wrong, and for some reason you think he'll listen to

your advice if you scream it. I have to admit I even yelled out once.

But on the flip side, there were a number of times when one of the

protagonists did exactly what you want them to - punkin' out a jerk

lawyer, wailing on a bad guy, etc.

As for the acting, well, it's adequate. Except for Kim Basinger. Not

only is she looking OLD, but her acting job is pretty bad. I'm not

sure what she was going for in this role. For the entire movie she

sounds like she's trying to be upset but restrained at the same time.

Her breathy delivery makes her sound like she works for a 1-900

number. "Where aaaaaare you? Are you all riiiiiiight?" I kept

expecting her to say something like, "I've been kidnapped. Is it

because I'm a naughty giiiiiirl? Do you think I should be tied up or

handcuuuuuffed?"

Chris Evans does an all right job with what's asked of him (which

isn't much), but he's pretty much your typical pretty boy wearing a

tight shirt immediately after doing a set of about 100 curls. I can't

say too much because it isn't anything I haven't done before leaving

the house.

I've always liked Statham. He's usually a "tweener" (not really good,

not really bad) in his movies, but this was a role that allowed him to

just be bad. The rest of the bad guys basically do bad guy stuff that

makes you anticipate their demise.

Cellular is just plain fun. It's a movie that's also fun to make fun

of afterwards, except it's really not all that bad! Is it perfect?

Nah. Are there plot contrivances and logic problems? Sure. But don't

worry about it. If you're the least bit interested in it, then leave

your "Movie Overanalyzation Methods" book at home and go check it out.

Now to answer the question that's on everybody's mind - would Johnny

Betts jump in his truck and start careening all over the highway to

try to save someone he'd never met? Not likely. I'd find a pay phone

and give 9-1-1 a call. But I guess that's why there are no movies

based on my life yet.
Johnny Betts
http://www.themoviemark.com
==========
X-RAMR-ID: 38609
X-Language: en
X-RT-ReviewID: 1318581
X-RT-TitleID: 1136178
X-RT-SourceID: 1604
X-RT-AuthorID: 10939
X-RT-RatingText: 3/5

The review above was posted to the rec.arts.movies.reviews newsgroup (de.rec.film.kritiken for German reviews).
The Internet Movie Database accepts no responsibility for the contents of the review and has no editorial control. Unless stated otherwise, the copyright belongs to the author.
Please direct comments/criticisms of the review to relevant newsgroups.
Broken URLs inthe reviews are the responsibility of the author.
The formatting of the review is likely to differ from the original due to ASCII to HTML conversion.

Related links: index of all rec.arts.movies.reviews reviews