ANACONDAS: THE HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2004 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): **
There's good news and there's bad news for the unlucky travelers on the Bloody Mary, an ancient Africa Queen-like vessel that is plying a remote jungle river in Borneo. The bad news is that there is a big anaconda on the loose, and it just ate one of them. The good news is that it'll take the snake a week to digest something the size of a human body, so it'll be catching some Z's in the meantime as it sleeps off its big meal. There is, of course, some fine print to this slumbering theory, so they may all die if they don't get out of there quickly.
ANACONDAS: THE HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID, even if it isn't worth the price of admission, is at least a pretension-free flick that is a classic B movie, full of intentionally cheesy dialog -- "She may be ugly, but she puts out," said of the boat, and "That's one car you're never going to catch," said of the standard issue blonde on board.
These travelers who find themselves snake food get that way while searching for a blood orchid that is the "pharmaceutical equivalent of the fountain of youth." These young entrepreneurs with satellite phones and computers filled the real-time aerial imagery are there to find the orchid that will produce a drug that will be "bigger than Viagra." They've got options and plan on getting rich.
As the big snake flings his humans around like a toddler tossing his toys, the only questions on your mind are who will be next to be eaten and who will be the lucky few who'll survive their ordeal. Placing your mental bets with yourself about the story's sequence of events is about as much fun as buying a lottery ticket.
ANACONDAS: THE HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID runs 1:33. It is rated PG-13 for "action violence, scary images and some language" and would be acceptable for kids around 11 and up.
The film is playing in nationwide release now in the United States. In the Silicon Valley, it is showing at the AMC theaters, the Century theaters and the Camera Cinemas.
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