THE WHOLE TEN YARDS
Reviewed by: Harvey S. Karten
Grade: F
Warner Bros./ Cheyenne Enterprises
Directed by: Howard Deutch
Written by: George Gallo, based on characters created by
Mitchell Kapner
Cast: Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Amanda Peet, Kevin Pollak,
Natasha Henstridge
Screened at: Loews E-Walk, NYC, 4/6/04
We don't expect Masterpiece Theater when we go to most
commercially-made comedies. We expect some silliness. After
all weren't the greats of the genre Buster Keaton, the Marx
brothers, Charlie Chaplin, all silly with their pratfalls and their
zany actions? By contrast, "The Whole Ten Yards" is not only
silly but actually painful to sit through. Bruce Willis is a fine
actor who can easily take on roles in serious dramas as well as
comedies and Amanda Peet is not simply good to look at but a
talented performer. But given the loose, even absent direction
and the incompetent script by two new guys in the field, Howard
Deutch and George Gallo "The Whole Ten Yards" becomes a
failure at every level.
The pic is a sequel to Jonathan Lynn's year 2000 film "The
Whole Nine Yards," also starring Bruce Willis as a hit man and
Matthew Perry as his next-door neighbor, a dentist in suburban
Montreal. In that worthy effort, Perry performs as a character
who can get something he wants by turning a dime on his
neighbor to members of the latter's former Chicago gang. A
black comedy with several competent twists, "Nine" may have
been a yard smaller than Deutch's effort but a whole lot more
laughs. By contrast, "The Whole Ten Yards" has (count 'em)
not a single chuckle unless you're a mighty unsophisticated
member of the audience who gets his jollies from each pratfall
and a taste for vulgarities ranging from the flatulence of an old
woman, the running over of a pet chicken, and worst of all the
grating repetition of a shrill voice coming from a jackass of a
gangster.
Director Deutch has changed the venue from Montreal to L.A.
and Mexico, opening on retired hit man Jimmy Tudeski (Bruce
Willis), who seeks laughs from the audience by posing with a
kerchief on his head, and apron on his torso, and some talk
about the latest dish he's baking for himself and his wife Jill
(Amanda Peet). Jill, contemptuous of her husband's retirement
and of his inability to impregnate her due to erectile dysfunction,
wants to be the heavy of the duo, but she fails as a killer
because she is unable to hit the side of a barn.
Meanwhile the newly released honcho of the Hungarian mafia,
Lazlo Gogolak (Kevin Pollak), seeks revenge on Jimmy for the
latter's alleged killing of Lazlo's sun, Yanni. To get the
information he needs, he kidnaps Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge),
Jimmy's former wife, now married to dentist Oz Oseransky
(Matthew Perry). The plan is to have Oz find Jimmy in Mexico,
thereby leading Lazlo to his prey.
The plot, such as it is, involves a couple of twists, some
double crosses, several takes of Willis crying, drinking, cooking,
the opposite of what you'd expect a hit man to do--all devices in
the service of getting cheap guffaws that could indeed come
from those too embarrassed to hide under their seats.
Rated PG-13. 99 minutes.(c) 2004 by Harvey Karten at
Harveycritic@cs.com
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