'3BlackChicks Review...'
TWISTED (2004) Rated R; running time 97 minutes Studio: Paramount Pictures Genre: Crime/Thriller Seen at: Eastwood Neighborhood Cinema Group (Lansing, Michigan) Official site: http://www.twistedmovie.com/ IMDB site: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0315297/combined Writer: Sarah Thorp Director: Philip Kaufman Cast: Ashley Judd, Samuel L Jackson, Andy Garcia, David Strathaim, D.W. Moffett, Mark Pellegrino, Titus Welliver, Richard T. Jones, Russell Wong, Camryn Manheim, Leland Orser
Review Copyright Rose Cooper, 2004 Review URL: http://www.3blackchicks.com/2004reviews/bamstwisted.html
I was worried, back when it was still called BLACKOUT, when Sam Jackson told me he was taking on "the Morgan Freeman role" in TWISTED. What I should have been worried about instead, was that Ashley Judd would be cast to play the Angelina Jolie role.
THE STORY (WARNING: **spoilers contained below**) New badass Inspector Jessica Shepard (Ashley Judd), just having been handpicked by her partner and surrogate father, Commissioner John Mills (Samuel L Jackson), is assigned to partner up with Inspector Mike Delamarco (Andy Garcia) to investigate a particularly nasty murder. Shepard has to be seen by Dr. Frank (David Strathaim) to manage her Anger Issues; in the course of her sessions, we discover she's an alkie, and her Issues stem back from her cop father being a serial killer. But that's nothing, compared to what Shepard has to face when her past flings start dropping off like flies around her.
THE UPSHOT I can sum up the problems with TWISTED in one brief sentence: it's dumb, it was badly cast, it's even more badly written...oh, and did I mention, it's dumb?
From start to finish, Ashley Judd was just dead wrong for this movie. Note to whomever came up with the harebrained scheme to cut her hair short: the butch look does not make a flower into a mighty oak. Clearly, Judd is too soft for roles like this, roles that are much better handled by the likes of ruffnecks like Angelina Jolie. Not for a minute, a moment, a sliver of a second, did I believe a word, a glance, a move her Inspector Shepard made. Nope, not a one.
Andy Garcia and Samuel L. Jackson were also badly miscast; but not because they did a bad job here. On the contrary: that they were able to get out of this one alive, is a tribute to the enormous talent they both have. Simply put, they were the right actors, for the wrong job. Garcia's enthusiastic treatment of dimly-writ lines made me feel sorry for him; in another, better movie, his over-the-top reading ("When will you learn that I'm! Your! Partner!") would've been effective. Here, it was just funny. Likewise, Jackson: if being grossly under-used for most of the first chunk of the movie, and grossly mis-used for the remaining chunk, is indeed "the Morgan Freeman role", then Morgan Freeman should find himself a better agent.
They weren't alone in their misery. The supporting characters were so cookie-cutter, I'd have to have a scorecard to tell them apart. And let's not forget the misery the audience was subjected to; the movie's revelation was so preposterous, it cried out for a Mystery Science Theater treatment. Hmm, there's a thought...
Worst of all was the premise of this flick, which fell head-first into the vat of stupidity. Only in the movies can a cop - pardon me, a *detective* - continually do the things Judd's character was made to do, and not glean a single clue that, duh, maybe that's where the problem comes from. Pop quiz: if every time you have one - count 'em, one - drink, you pass out and then wake up to find that someone you know has been killed, do you a) stop drinking from that wine bottle; b) stop drinking from that wine bottle; c) stop drinking from that wine bottle; or d) all of the above?
To put it mildly, TWISTED is a thriller without the thrills, an unsuspenseful suspense; it's just plain dumb. What a waste of film and talent. Writer Sarah Thorp needs to go see a script doctor, because this was one ill movie.
BAMMER'S BOTTOM LINE As much as I love Sam, I have to confess that, with the exception of BASIC, I haven't liked a movie he was in since CHANGING LANES. No, he is not at the center of blame for the lackadaisical TWISTED; I'm just saying. And I await his turn in THE COUNTRY OF MY SKULL. I can't wait to be able to cheer for him again.
TWISTED rating: flashing redlight
Rose "Bams" Cooper Webchick and Editor, 3BlackChicks Review Entertainment Reviews With Flava! Copyright Rose Cooper, 2004 EMAIL: bams@3blackchicks.com http://www.3blackchicks.com/
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