THE CAT IN THE HAT A Seussian-style rhyme
BY JOHN ULMER
I've never done a Seussian rhyme for a movie review Not before, not never, and not at a zoo But I'll attempt one now, simply for fun Because if I don't, let's face it, I'll stand out like a sore thumb.
"The Cat in the Hat" looked bad from the start Mike Myers's face looking like he'd sucked on a tart Perhaps it would be great. Perhaps it would be fun It wasn't, it wasn't, not even with time.
Crude jokes abound with offbeat humor They are as fun to sit through as being neutered. Dr. Seuss has been ruined just like before If he were alive, he'd sue for years more.
Mike Myers is funny Mike Myers is great As Austin Powers, yes But he ain't when his face looks like a cake.
Bo Welch directed with infamous style It's Ron Howard's "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" with super-Seuss-style But just like "The Grinch," this film is a mess In fact, it stinks even more than that colossal wreck.
It was raining outside Two kids were inside It was boring for them And they had considered swallowing pesticide.
Then The Cat in the Hat came to play Then The Cat in the Hat came to say That life is fun, life is great Enjoy it while you can, because Hollywood will take it away.
Hollywood took away Seuss' story Hollywood has crowned it with an abundance of commercial glory It's a struggle to try and sit through, buy they don't care As long as audiences pay to sit there and stare.
Unfortunately, though, it's not over yet The film's made millions already, just like they bet A sequel's on the way, coming in two years This time, though, I'm not opening my door to The Cat in the Hat.
Not now, not never, not in two years' time. The Cat, you see, has duped us all a final time.
- John Ulmer Webmaster of The Movie Portal http://www.wiredonmovies.com/
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