Originally Published on Daily-Reviews www.daily-reviews.com A review by Phil Hall
"The Stalker" Zero Stars (out of five)
Directed by Madison Monroe, written by Montana Muirfield, produced by Gary Orona, cinematography by Jess Weathington.
Starring Stacy Noel, P. Adam Walsh, Tera Patrick, Scarlet Johansing.
2002. Not rated. Running time: 70 minutes. Replay Home Video
Maxine is the blonde, buxom, spoiled movie star being harassed by someone who promises to speed her demise. Jack is the square-jawed, broad-shouldered, no-nonsense bodyguard hired to protect Maxine. After initial clashes of personality, they soon find common ground...albeit in a horizontal position on a big, comfy bed. And, oh yes, they also find themselves confronted the stalker who wants to harm Maxine.
This, in the proverbial nutshell, is "The Stalker." Don't let the title confuse you with Tarkovsky, or the plot with "The Bodyguard." "The Stalker" is one of the most numbing things to find its way before an audience. With a connect-the-dots plotline that is too obvious to anyone who cares to pay attention and featuring a cast of actors who perform like life-sized wind-up toys, "The Stalker" is so hopelessly amateurish that there is no fun in even criticizing it. The film's mechanical pace grinds along numbingly, with occasional interludes featuring clothing-free couples engaged in some less-than-convincing simulated sex which is weaker than soft-core...it is almost worthy of being called flabby-core.
Every now and then, the film delivers an unintentional laugh. When confronted with the fact she is being stalked, Maxine refuses to call the police because, in her words, "I can't afford the negative publicity right now." When Maxine is laughing and hugging the head of her studio, Jack rushes in to tear the duo apart and strangle the studio boss. But the funniest thing about "The Stalker" comes in the notes on the video box, which describes Maxine as a "brunette bombshell." Either the copywriter for this video box is colorblind or fudging his duties, as leading lady Stacy Noel is a bombshell of the blonde variety.
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